Bedroom Fun

'My motto has been they are going to have to pry this vibrator from my cold, dead hand. I refuse to give up.'

This is what it's come to in the state of Alabama folks. This quote is from the owner of a couple adult stores in Alabama, and pretty much sums it all up. The US Supreme court is refusing to hear an appeal to an Alabama state law banning the sale of 'any device designed or marketed as useful primarily for the stimulation of human genital organs for anything of pecuniary value.'

No more double headed dildos, fake vaginas, vibrating pocket pals, etc... Well, at least you cannot BUY them in the state of Alabama. Feel free to buy them from anywhere else in the world however.

My problem with this is two-fold. First, what the hell is the point if these fine southern folks can just order one online from Florida, Indiana, Hong Kong, or wherever they can find them? Second, what's the next step in this draconian law? Are they going to pull large carrots from the shelves? Strawberries? How about cantaloupes?

The craziest thing here is it took until the 1960's to ban same family marriage in the fine state of Alabama (I'm pretty sure I just made that up...) so I guess they feel more comfortable kissing their sister or cousin than having their sister or cousin playing with a vibrator. I guess that's where I lucked out... see, my sisters are not my type AT ALL! I mean, not even going down the whole "we're related" path... I dig brunettes and Asian chicks. Both my sisters are blonde. They don't stand a chance!

Of course, this battle is far from over. There is no way the ACLU will let this one go quietly. At some point, we may be able to get this onto the big screen. I guess we first need John Grisham to write us a novel with this as the back story... so get cracking John. I want to see Jessica Biel in the lead role... Oh yeah...

The baseball playoffs are under way. Here is my quote from Sunday while sitting at the bar watching the Bears lose disastrously to the Detroit Lions:

"The Cubs will get swept by the Arizona Diamondbacks"

Those were my exact words. And last night, Sweet Lou Pinella took the first step towards that vision by pulling his Ace after the 6th inning. His plan? Well, he's saving Carlos Zambrano for the 4th game on Sunday.

Hey Lou... just a bit of free advice, pal. You don't get to Game 4 without at least winning ONE game. This was a great pitching duel until Zambrano came out, and the Diamondbacks took the lead almost immediately as the lead off hitter in the next inning hit a go-ahead home run.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again... The Curse of the Billy Goat is as real as the peach fuzz on my chin.

Wait til' next year...

Peace out...
Heitz