Happy Humping Day!!!

Wow... lots to talk about today, folks!

Jerry Lewis, in a bit of a rambling improv thing with one of his cameramen, referred to on of the cameras on stage as an "illiterate fag".... hmmm... everyone is making such a big thing about this. I'm not sure why...

I mean, we are talking about Jerry Lewis here. He's like 317 years old... CNN went so far as to call his actions a "rant". When I think "rant", I think about ranting and raving... I think about my past writings for some fantasy football websites before my Chicago Bears got good again... I think about calling for the beheading of the guy that did NOT put enough ice in my soda at the movie theater... and really, how many illiterate gay people are there? The gay folks I know are some of the smartest most educated people I've met...

I digress...

My great aunt, who lived to be somewhere in the 90's, was mad as a hatter. Funny as hell though, the things that would come out of her mouth. She always called me Jeff. In case you were wondering, that is NOT my name. In 1984, when the Cubs were SO close to the World Series we could smell it, she told me what the problem with the Cubs was... of course, I was confused... the Cubs were in 1st Place, Ryne Sandberg won the MVP award... what could be wrong with the Cubs?

"It's all the Coloreds" she said...

Just like Jerry Lewis... you can't take what an old person says at face value. Hell, she wasn't even facing the TV. She just went to looking out the window hoping one of them damn squirrels would take the bait and we'd be having squirrel pie for dessert.

So, don't go getting to much on Jerry Lewis' back here folks. For all we know, he was talking about a cigarette... and as we all, cigarettes cannot read.

How about this one... Senator Larry Craig (he's not gay, he just acts that way) apparently may NOT be resigning his office as Idaho Senator.

So, let me get this straight (pun definitely intended)... He's not gay, but he acts that way... he accepted a plea bargain, but that was a mistake... he will resign... errrr... no, he won't resign.

Seriously, I'd love to see his voting record in the senate.

"No, see I meant to vote AGAINST that landfill in the middle of the beautiful forest... that money had nothing to do with it."

Riiiiight... We read you loud and clear Senator. After years in the Senate, no one is more adept at dancing around controversy than a US Senator. He can keep this going all the way til his re-election comes up and ten just slide into the background.

As I've said before, I think what we all want is some sincerity from our Politicians these days. All this back and forth, he-said, she-said bullshit really gets on my nerves. If it keeps up much longer I'm gonna drive my ass up to Idaho and punch him in the nose.

Alright... last but not least... beware the Popcorn Lung...

No kidding... apparently, there is a form of lung cancer that doctors have tied to diacetyl, which is an ingredient in many food colorings and flavors, including microwave popcorn butter. Doctors in Denver's National Jewish Medical & Research Center are linking a case of lung cancer to over exposure to microwave popcorn. The patient alleges to have consumed VAST quantities of the food, popping "several bags a day for years".

OK... so, we have have a person here who has eaten "several" bags of microwave popcorn a day for YEARS. How many is several? How BIG is this person? Because, ya know, if you are eating that much popcorn, chances are you are NOT getting off the couch much. How many 2 Liter bottles of Coke has this person gone through? How many MacDonald's Happy Meals have they sucked down?

I say, what the hell... if they enjoy popcorn that much, let them deal with the consequences. I mean, usually things that taste good are NOT good for you, right? Popcorn tastes good, so we can assume bad things would happen by eating too much. That's why we are supposed to mix in some brussel sprouts from time to time... to balance the good for you and the good tasting.

Don't bore me anymore with popcorn induced cancer. Next thing I know they'll be telling me porn will make me go blind or something... that'd be just great... cancer from the corn and blind because of what I am watching...

Where's the justice in that?

Peace out...

Heitz