Well I am right screwed... I just got done playing the Candidate-Match-Game on USA Today's website:
It appears that the best candidate for me is Mike Gravel!!!
OK... off the top of my head name three facts about Mike Gravel...
Uhhhh...
1. His name is Mike Gravel
2. uhhhh... He's running for President
3. Shit this is tough... I think he's from like Wyoming or something
Let's go back to the web and see how I did...
1. Yup... got that right, his name is definitely Mike Gravel (Not a bad name... used to be a linebacker at Notre Dame named Michael Stonebreaker... I bet those two would get along great)
2. He is definitely RUNNING for President. Hasn't got a chance in Hell, but he's running.
3. Turns out he's the guy from Alaska I was making fun of the other day.
Shit... I'm so screwed... I got half an Obama tattoo on my shoulder (Says Oba... or maybe it's a birthmark... who frikkin knows anymore?) so how do I turn that into Gravel? Let's see, Obama isn't even in my top 3!!!
Runner up goes to John McCain. Good lord... OK, now at least I can respect McCain for being a POW and all. But I wasn't planning on voting Republican this time around since I did last time. (My bad, yo...) ALTHOUGH, McCain IS something of a Maverick... Stephen Colbert points that out regularly... so maybe he ain't all bad.
OK... 3rd place goes to Mike Huckabee from Arkansas!!! Sounds like a brand name or something... Huckabee Honey! Huckabee Tuna...
Hmmm... I got some peeps in Arkansas, I should call them and see what they think of this guy. Oh shit, he's a Republican too...
Obama... tied with Dennis Kucinich (looks like an elf), Tom Tancredo (never heard of him...), Joe Biden (all I know is lots of people on TV make fun of him)...
Well, folks... it appears I am royally fu*ked in my political views. I guess part of me thought it would be cool to have a "brother" in the White House. I mean, hell if Fox can have an African American President in the hit series '24' and a female president in the other hit series 'Prison Break', why the hell can't we do that in real life?
Now I do not count Hillary as a woman... and she ain't black... she's still Bill's wife to me... even though she definitely wore the pants.
Not surprisingly, Ru Paul and Fred Thompson don't make the cut for me...
They should stick to movies.
Peace out...
Heitz
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