When Bats Attack!

So much for making a comeback to the big leagues...

Jose Offerman, a longtime Major league baseball player, was arrested after attacking a pitcher in a game with his baseball bat. Now, anyone who follows baseball has seen countless dumb asses charge the mound. Who can forget a young Robin Ventura of the White Sox getting his ass handed to him by an aging Nolan Ryan back in 1993?

Now, in Offerman's defense, the pitcher did hit him with a fastball. In the calf... And I guess Offerman hit a home run his first time at bat, so he clearly had a beaning coming... in the calf...

Hmmmm... If I was a pitcher, and I really wanted to send a message (say to Barry Bonds in his ear-hole) I doubt I'd throw at a guys feet. Call me silly, but what kind of message is that sending? What are we trying to teach our kids with that one?

The Old Testament says an eye for an eye, right? Well, you hit a homer off me, I go after your big toe. Doesn't have the same ring to it, does it.

Needless to say, Offerman was charged with assault and released on bail. I don't think he's going to be coming up to the big leagues any time soon. But at the ripe old age of 38, he's probably better suited for his retirement home anyways.

I think the best part of this whole story is Offerman's response... typical dumb-ass... he's on film running to the mound with a bat in his hand swinging it at a guy's head. What does he say?

"I don't mean to hit him. I was facing the pitcher and I never went to hit the guy."

Now, I think he was referring to the catcher, who was behind Offerman... but still, you are swinging a bat at people and not intending to hit someone? Puhhhh-lease.... The best quote though came from former teammate Torii Hunter in Minnesota:

"Some people snap. Was it hot there, or something? Did the guy say something about his mama? You take a bat out there, you can get blackballed from baseball. That's deep."

Seriously, if you talk about someone's mama, the gloves come off. And the bat comes out...

Duct Tape Bandit Caught!

I know we were all living in fear of this guy... in the long line of brain-surgeons turned petty criminals, this guy ranks right up there.

Apparently, his disguise was a roll of duct tape. No shit... he wrapped his head in duct tape to hide his identity. I guess Wal-Mart was out of Spider Man ski masks...

Of course, the convenience store owner whipped out a duct tape covered baseball bat (here we go with more bat attacks!) and proceeded to beat the snot out of the would be bandit.

According to the street, wrapping the end of your baseball bat with duct tape makes it easier to clean the blood off as it does not soak into the wood.

I wonder if Jose Offerman knew about that little trick.

Peace out...

Heitz