Thursday, August 2, 2007

Drinkin' & Travelin'

Amtrak Helping Us Get Drunk!

I love flying... I really do. I like waking up in Tampa and going to bed in Chicago, or Boston, or LA... It's frikkin' sweet that we have that technology... thanks Wilbur and Orville!

But, something Amtrak has announced has me wondering if I might be better off taking the train for a long trip.

It seems that Amtrak is trying to boost business on long trips by offering up a $100 credit to be used for alcohol on their overnight trains. They are offering this credit to folks in their rewards program... frequent rollers as opposed to frequent fliers, I guess.

Now, I can put away a fair amount of alcohol if I put my mind to it. But even at $5-$7 per drink we are talking about upwards of 20 drinks on a trip!!! I don't recall the last time I put down 20 beers, but I assure you I did not feel so well the next day.




I guess the main thing I can think of that this will help resolve is the tragedy felt when an Amtrak train slams into a vehicle trying to get around the crossing gates. As I talked about last week, this happens ALL the damn time... Instead of being all like "OH MY GOD!!! THIS IS AWFUL!!! HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN???"... the drunk passengers on these trains would instead respond like this... "DUDE... WHAT WAS THAT? I didn't know they had speed bumps for trains... gimme another brewski..."

So you see, not only do we keep the population of stupid people trying to get around the gates in check... but those of us that are sitting on the train, and NOT swerving around the gates, get to continue our trek in a state of blissful drunkenness.

Pass me a Scotch & Soda and hit the accelerator!


More Stoopid Peeple...

Well, we can see why these people were caught... all I'm gonna say.

Two Tampa men were arrested at the airport coming back from Puerto Rico. Apparently, they had mailed themselves a package with a half kilo of pure heroin, then flew back home to Tampa and were planning on picking it up at the Post Office.

Just curious... what part of this plan was supposed to work in their favor? Apparently they thought the kids toys and photo frames in the box with the heroin would throw off the drug sniffing dogs. "Hmmmm... I smell Matchbox Cars, an alarm clock... hmmm, no that can't be heroin with all those innocent items. We'll let that one pass."


One word for these guys... MORONS...

In an unrelated incident, a retired American Airlines employee was arrested at the Tampa International Airport for having a loaded gun in her carry on bag. she claims to have "forgotten" to leave it in her car. She had an expired license to carry a concealed weapon but my question is, "do you now go through your bag BEFORE leaving the house?" I mean seriously, when I travel, I know exactly what I have with me. And I do NOT have my 4 inch long Bowie knife in my bag. I also prefer to leave my brass knuckles under my pillow instead of spending a night in the county lock up.

Here's a little prudent travel advice for gun owners... Before you head out the door for your trip, go through your purse, handbag, laptop bag, carry on bag, or whatever bag you plan to bring with you to the airport. If there is a gun in it (and I THINK squirt guns are allowed... just make sure it's not filled with Acid) take it out and lock it up.

You do have a gun safe right?

Riiiight... I'm sure you do...

People that are dumb enough to walk into the airport with a loaded weapon deserve a night in jail and their flight privileges revoked.

Good thing for them they can just take Amtrak and get loaded.


Heitz

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