Small Town BS, Fetishes, Christina Applegate

Ahhh... the struggles of small towns to get noticed really wakes me up in the morning!

http://www.sptimes.com/2007/08/15/Pasco/Burned_popcorn_clears.shtml

No bomb threats... no masked gunmen... nope, what passes for news in Brooksville, FL (about an hour north of Tampa) is that someone burned some popcorn in the 3rd floor microwave and the building had to be evacuated.

Seriously, folks... If you have NOTHING going on, don't waste my time with burned frikkin' popcorn.

I mean come on! We have a hurricane forming that MIGHT be here in a a few days... then again it might not be... might go south... or around us or something... Back to school is going on right? Can't we talk about that? I mean, I don't have kids but I NEED to know when the school buses are running so I can plan my Starbucks trips accordingly. There is NOTHING worse than getting stuck behind a school bus in this area. Not only are they SLOW, but they always drop the kids off on the wrong side of the street... look out for the munchkins!!! Please don't run them over... that happens way too damn much...

Isn't there an Amber Alert we need to know about? Florida seems to lead the charge when it comes to those... seems to be way too many child molesters per capita here for my liking. I doubt I'll be raising kids down here for that reason alone (well, and the damn school buses). I'd rather move to Brooklyn or back to Chicago and raise kids where I know they will be safe!

Speaking of dirt bags and deviants...

Tampa hosted its 4th consecutive FetishCon... an annual expo for Sexual Fetishes and the industry that supports them. OK, maybe dirtbag is a bit of a misnomer here... I mean, looking at some of the pictures from the expo, there are some AMAZING looking women... granted they are dressed in shower curtains with steel spikes through their noses, but damn they are fine!

Of course, my luck would be to find out I have most in common with Pinhead here... Seriously, I pray to God this is not a Bears fan... I have a weak spot for chicks that like football.

One dirt... errr... I mean Fetish-Fan that was NOT in attendance was Karl Kaechele... Karl who you say?

Well, Karl K. is the pervert that was arrested in April 2005 in Detroit after taking a "Sex Tourism Trip" through Southeast Asia to have sex with children. He pleaded guilty Monday to the charges against him so he will be in the slammer for a while. Turns out, he was not only travelling the world having sex with children, he was photographing it and kept a very detailed journal.

Now, I'm no rocket scientist, but if I am going to break the law I'll be damned if I'm gonna keep notes.

"Good morning diary... I woke up feeling ambitious... I think I will load my gun and go rob the bank on 5th Street. And while I am at it, I'll carjack a black 2006 Nissan Altima to make my get away. See ya later! XOXOXO"

Yeah right... As Ron said in the 2nd Harry Potter movie... "How thick could ya get???" It's like a confession before the cops even ask for one.

I guess though if Hitler and his cronies had not kept such meticulous records we might not ever have found out about their "Jewish Question" now would we? So, from that standpoint I guess we should be thankful that megalomaniacs and dirtbags alike feel the need to record their exploits.

Finally... two happy notes!

I forgot to wish Steve Martin a HAPPY BIRTHDAY yesterday! The guy who brought us The Jerk, The Man With Two Brains, and that crazy SNL skit with the "Two Wild and Crazy Guys!!!" is WAY older than me AND he just got married! Way to go Steve!!!

And finally! Christina Applegate is SINGLE!!! Yeah, baby!!! Come to daddy... I've had the hots for her since the good Ol' Kelly Bundy days... had a couple posters of her in my Frat house back in college, and NOW she is single and on the market... Now all I gotta do is sweep her off her feet and get this party started... aww yeah....

Now to make some money...

For my baby girl...

Who loves, ya Christina?

That's right... I do...

xoxoxo

Peace Out

Heitz