CBGB Founder Dies

My life now has no meaning... OK, well, it might not have really had much meaning before this morning anyways... I realized last year when the famous club CBGB closed its doors that I never got off my lazy ass and went there. Shit, I've only made two trips to New York City in my life, and neither time did I make the effort to go see the club where some of my favorite bands have played.

For those of us living under a rock, CBGB was opened in 1973 by Hilly Kristal, who died yesterday after a long bout with lung cancer. He opened the club to have a place for Country and Bluegrass bands to perform but ended up catering to a growing punk rock crowd all through the 70's and 80's. Great Punk Rock bands such as The Ramones, The Talking Heads, Blondie, Patti Smith, and countless other aspiring rock bands spent time on-stage at CBGB.

I think, in honor of Mr. Kristal's memory, and the memory of CBGB and the musicians that played there... I will listen to EVERY album I have on my shelf that I can trace back there... we're talking the Police, Talking Heads, Ramones, and I'm sure I have a few others.

Shit, I guess I should go get some beer. All their music tends to make me want to drink and get crazy so I'm thinking skinny dipping will commence around noon.

http://video.on.nytimes.com/?fr_story=d074bc8eb4e3540be08d9e5233233322e4570156

See you at the pool!!!

Heitz

Millionaire dog

Check this out... Leona Helmsley, the witch that died earlier this month, left $12 million dollars in a trust fund to her dog, Trouble!!!

That's just frikkin' crazy folks... She also left two of her 4 grand kids out of her will saying "they know why".

But $12 million goes to Trouble. Hell, how old is this dog? It might only have a couple years left. She left $3 million dollars in a fund to steam-clean and wash her family mausoleum at least once per year. That's only a quarter of what she let the dog!

Hmmm... now, Anna Nicole Smith hooked up with that old geyser because he had money. I wonder who might be sick enough to go get romantic with this mutt for a chunk of that $12 million.

This just makes you wonder what the hell people are thinking some times. Even if this dog lived another 5 years let's say... that is a serious chunk of change to go through. What will they feed Trouble? I'm guessing 3 squares of beluga caviar per day should put a minor dent in that bank account.

CraZy!!!

So, what is it with politicians? And it's not like any of this is NEW... or at least it should not be. Going back to the Greeks and Persians, politicians have had a fondness for young men and sexually deviant behavior.

But lately, with the way our current media can get us the scoop in a matter of moments, it seems that our political leadership is like an Alto short of having an all-perv choir. They can tour the whole country, picking up young men in the front row of their gigs like a rock star would pick up a fat-bottomed girl.

The latest of course is Senator Larry Craig of Idaho. He apparently peered through the crack in a bathroom stall and made some indication that he wanted to "get it on". Now, he and his wife claim he is not, nor has he ever been, gay.

Hmmm... men having sex with men...

Sounds gay to me!

The best part is this... he said that his "guilty plea was a mistake." Wait a moment... the guilty plea was a mistake? Not the act of propositioning a plain-clothed police officer in a men's rest room? No, no mistake there huh?

The crazy thing is these guys just don't even get it. Going back to good ol' Bill Clinton's infamous "I did not have sex with that woman" line... Gimme a break... guys have a hard time keeping it in their pants, this is a well documented fact throughout history. In fact, most cultures look upon monogamy as a funny little joke... "what, all these beautiful women here and I can only choose ONE???" Good one, Allah!!!

I think no one would be as upset and bent about all this impropriety if these guys were just honest about it. So, you've fantasized about touching a man's bare ass? Big frikkin' deal... really, who cares?

Just be sure to keep it on THAT side of the fence, my friend... I don't want none of them gay cooties over here where my green grass is growing.

And lastly...

Well, this should be the kiss of death for any political campaign... Fidel Castro has dubbed a Clinton-Obama Presidential ticket as "invincible".

Two things here... first, It SHOULD be Obama-Clinton, thankyouverymuch...

Second... since when is Castro an expert on American Politics. Just because he is the last bastion of the red enemy... Communism folks... not the other red enemy... doesn't mean he can tell us what would work! Do us a favor, Fidel, and keep your political thoughts to yourself!

Now make nice and roll me another frikkin' stogie there Fidel... thanks...

Peace out...

Heitz

Great Ideas!!!

Dang... I almost wish I had a dog so I could have thought of this!

http://cgi.ebay.com/LOT-OF-falcons-michael-vick-CARDS-CHEWED-ON-BY-MY-DOG_W0QQitemZ200145651449QQihZ010QQcategoryZ215QQssPageNameZWDVWQQrdZ1QQcmdZViewItem

This "artist" in Cape Girardeau, MO had her dog Monte chew up a batch of Mike Vick cards to list on eBay as "art". Well, check the link folks... she was hoping to raise awareness and maybe a cool hundred bucks or so to donate to the local animal shelter. The bidding is currently at $7300!!!

I gotta say, this is looking like a frikkin masterpiece... I mean, this rivals anything Dali did... Picasso, van Goh, they can all take a back seat...

Funniest thing here is... if Vick had gone on to a Hall of Fame career and never got involved in dog fighting, his rookie card would never have been worth that much!

Holy shit! Seriously, I have a few Vick cards... I could flush them down the toilet, then retrieve them from the drain pipes, and sell them... how's that sound? Maybe I could stick them with a shank made from a toothbrush... (Thanks Snoop for that image!!!) What would that go for? I'd even throw in the shank!!!

See, this is why I am destined for mediocrity... I always come up with the idea AFTER someone else has capitalized on it... The damn Post It notes? I was sticking paper to the fridge with saliva when I was 6 years old, dammit!

OK... moving on...

This was fun... read an article this morning about a "diaper-free movement". Apparently, there is a growing trend with people teaching their kids to use the potty basically from birth. They use non-verbal signals to indicate it's time to go.

The kid in the article, 13 month old Dominic Klatt in Sutton, MA basically goes to mommy and holds his wrist, which is the signal that he has to go potty.

Here's the best part...

She walks him over to a tree in the back yard, makes a "hissing" noise and BOOM! the kid pees on the tree! Now, I don't know what the signal is for #2... might be a finger in the bum-bum for all I know...

Honestly folks... I am all for it... I remember back in the day, my cousin Billy would take a crap anywhere. If there were leaves at hand, he'd be shitting. Why can't we go back to those days? No diaper rash to worry about... no messes to clean up... We were so care free!!!

All these damn closed doors...

What the hell are we all hiding? Do I really need to read a book on the shitter? Why can't I just squat under a tree, enjoy nature, and feed the earth with my waste? What could possibly be so bad about seeing folks bent over in the grass, relieving themselves?

Oh... it's what we call civilization?

I guess the Romans didn't invent indoor plumbing so we could all run around messing up our lovely gardens, huh?

Damn... sounded like such a great idea. And a real easy way to get out of a public intoxication charge...

"Honestly, officer... I don't know what the big deal is. I was raised diaper-free! I've been pissing in alleyways since I was 8 months old!!!"

Peace out...

Heitz

Road Kill

Is it just me, or does everyone get a little chill when they drive past some roadkill? Seriously, every time I drive past a dead raccoon, possum, squirrel, or anything else... I get a littel chill... can't help it... it's almost like that little critter's ghost is sitting there waiting for me to drive by.

I remember the first road kill I saw after moving here to Florida. I felt like I was in the pleistocene era or something. I had NO idea what this thing was.

It was bloated, gray, and looked like it was wearing plate armor.

I drove past it maybe six or seven times over the course of a week and still couldn't figure it out. It was way too big to be a rat... definitely not the usual squirrel or raccon or anything...

Then a buddy of mine said, "Oh, it's probably an armadillo."

An arma-frikkin-dillo??? They have those in Florida? I thought that was a Texas thing...I had no idea these things were all over the Southeast United States, for chrissakes!

Well, turns out, that is what it was. An armor plated rat... dead on the side of the road. Sounds like a mob hit or something...

Another kind of road kill was found last night on the side of a Chicago area highway... an abondoned Lamboughini... pretty much destroyed, and licensed to Lance Briggs of the Chicago Bears.

There's no word yet on whether the vehicle was reported stolen... I mean, it would have to be right? It had Illinois license plates in the trunk, but hat temporary Texas tags on it when it was found.

Crazy what you can find on the side of the road these days...

And finally, the Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki is telling American politicians to "butt out" of his countries political struggles. Gotta like the gratitude on this guy huh? I mean, we go in, depose Sadam Hussein, hand him the reins, and he tells us to butt out when things aren't going so well for him there.

Hmmm... maybe he has a point. Back to my blog last week about the border wall I proposed building around the entire middle east... maybe we SHOULD just listen to what this guy has to say and grant his wish.

Heitz

Oklahoma, Oklahoma, Oklahoma!!!

Has anyone else seen one of my favorite Steve Martin movies, Dirty Rotten Scoundrels? If it weren't for that movie, I might have forgotten that Oklahoma even existed... Martin plays a con-man, and in one part of the movie he plays a semi-retarded character (Ruprecht the Monkey Boy) who needs a cork on his fork and an eye-patch to keep from poking his eye out...

So, I was a bit dumb-founded when reading this info coming out of Seattle:

http://blog.seattlepi.nwsource.com/thebigblog/archives/120531.asp

Apparently, the group that bought the Seattle Supersonics has had an evil plan of moving the team from the great Northwest to... Oklahoma City!!!

Now, correct me if I am wrong... they still ride horses and shit there, don't they? I mean, am I crazy here to think there are enough people in the middle of nowhere to support an NBA Franchise?

OK, forget the fact that Charlotte and Milwaukee both have teams... they both suck. I guess having a team in Oklahoma City will get the redneck fans into the league. I can see it now... a stadium packed with cowboy boots, 10-Gallon hats, and big belt buckles... are we sure this isn't a rodeo?

Let's see... http://www.wikipedia.com/... hmmm... well, who knew? Apparently Oklahoma City is the 30th largest city in the country! Well, good for you Opie! I guess these Oklahoma money men would rather have their team close to home, NOT making money, than in a metropolitan area of over 3 million people... go figure... See, this is why I'll never be rich... I would NOT do stupid shit like put an NBA franchise in Oklahoma...

Dumbasses...

More news on the bridge collapse in Minneapolis... another head scratcher here... they are saying that pigeon dung led to advanced rusting of the bridge and MAY have led to the collapse.

WOW!

I guess we are really pulling out all the stops to point the finger somewhere, huh? I guess New York and Chicago are pretty much screwed as all our bridges must be ready to crumble. Anyone that has spent any time in those cities knows what pigeons are... rats with wings, folks.

I remember walking down LaSalle Street in Chicago one day... a Pigeon was flying right at me... I figured, "I'm 6'2"... solid like a brick wall over here... no way that pigeon ISN'T going to alter it's course..." Well, i was way wrong... it was like a Kamikaze dive bomber... hit me right in the middle of the chest. At least a half dozen folks stopped and stared... we were all like, "Holy Shit! Did that pigeon just fly right into your chest???"

Pigeons are crazy... point taken... maybe they have some sinister plot to collapse all the bridges in the world and shit on our heads as we are all panicked and sitting in traffic. Who knows?

Or maybe... just maybe... they are Al Qaida pigeons...

Dangerous thoughts folks...

I'm locking my doors... see you Monday...

goddam pigeons...

Heitz... Out...

Ass Whuppin & Dead Folks

Something happened in the world of sports that only a couple of people on the planet might have witnessed before...

The Texas Rangers scored 30 runs in a game yesterday... You read that right... and this was NOT the Dallas Cowboys playing football against the Baltimore Ravens. This was the Texas Rangers baseball team spanking the snot out of the Orioles by a score of 30-3.

That is one serious ass whipping... I mean, that is on the order of Jason Bourne beating the snot out of folks... except, instead of using a pencil this time he had a baseball bat. Could you imagine???

The last time a team scored more runs in a game was like 1897 or something! That is a seriously long ass time ago.

This has been an interesting baseball season and this just adds to the story... I mean, we have Barry Bonds and the whole steroid issue taking over the home run crown... the Philadelphia Phillies are the first professional sports franchise to reach 10,000 losses (yup, you read that right... TEN THOUSAND LOSSES!!!)... and the Cubs are fighting for the playoffs. These things just do not happen every day folks.

Personally, I think the baseball season is WAY too long, but the beauty of the moment last night is that this was a LAST PLACE team posting 30 runs in a game. How embarrassing has that gotta be for the Orioles? Giving up that kind of performance, at home, across the street from where the Ravens play, one of the most dominant NFL defenses. According to ESPN.com the Ravens have not allowed 30 points in one game sine back in 2005!

Well, the one thing I know fr sure is that NONE of the Orioles got any loving last night when they got home. To make matters worse, they lost the 2nd game of the double header as well.

I sense a domestic battery call coming any moment from their pitching coach's house...

In other news...

This is just more fuel to the fire for me... I will NOT be buried... just torch me and scatter my ashes in the South End Zone at Soldier Field, please.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/law/08/22/morgue.suit.ap/index.html

This guy was in prison for posing corpses in various every-day life and the county is now paying up over $8 million dollars in damages. He was working on an art project and decided to use corpses in the morgue where he worked... he posed them with everything from fruit to doll house furniture and took his photos.

I guess the only real reason this is an issue is that these photos probably found their way on the Internet at some point. OR, maybe he made some money ff it, and did no kick back some royalties. Who knows... it certainly could have been worse though when you think about it... there were no charges of necrophilia so at least we can entertain the hope that he kept it in his pants.

And last but certainly not least...

Two former Tampa city employees... former Housing Chief Steve LaBrake and his wife Lynn... both are serving jail time for corruption and bribery convictions after taking bribes to grant construction contracts in exchange for a discounted construction contract to build their own home...

Well, it turns out that they both feel they are entitled to their Pensions when they are released from Prison in a couple years and are filing lawsuits to that effect.

So, what part of this don't they get? Let's see... they defrauded the city and it's citizens; they were convicted of their crimes and are serving jail time; and NOW they expect the taxpayers to pay them when they get out of prison???

Holy shit... that takes balls folks... big balls of steel... Granted, they won't get a dime. But the cajones it takes to even think you are going to come out publicly and demand your money and say things like, "...a despicable and malicious act of reneging on an employment contract with two of the BEST and MOST PRODUCTIVE employees the City of Tampa was ever fortunate enough to employ..."

WOW!

This guy must drink his radiator fluid straight out of the bottle... probably pisses razor blades and thinks it tickles!

I don't know what alternate reality this guy is living in, but I'd like to spend an hour or two there just to see what it's like...

"Yo, George W... Gimme that briefcase... here we go... WHEEEEEE!!!!"

Seriously... must be some great LSD in the prison oatmeal...

Heitz...

Out...

Ugh.... Coffee Good... Newspaper Thief Bad...

Alright, as anyone who has been paying attention knows, I love to read my Tampa Tribune with my morning Starbucks. It's like my morning mojo builder.

Well, this morning I grab the paper, get my cup of Joe, and head home... only to find out someone had swiped all the GOOD sections of the paper. All I have in my hands is the "FLAVOR" section, the classifieds, and the Wednesday South Tampa special... no sports, no front page... no NEWS!!! What the hell is going on in the world?!?!?!

Shit...

Well, let's see what we have here...

Hey, look at that... I can relive my college days of picking up fat-bottomed girls at T-Birds in Carbondale, IL... Styx and Foreigner are opening up for Def Leppard this Friday night!!! SWEET MERCY!!! Let's see if I can find some Izod shirts and tight fitting jeans that I can tear holes in so I can fit in.

Hmmm... A craft fair at the state fairgrounds? Sounds like something my mom would like. Maybe I'll go just to pick her something out for Christmas.

Man, this SUCKS ass not having the real news. I guess that's why Al Gore invented the Internet...

Whoever that newspaper bandit is, I'm gunning for you. Frikkin' bastards...

I guess the problem with Internet news is you don't know what you are getting. I mean, seriously... I found this picture on the site for the Miami Herald... no article... just the picture... I'm thinking there is some serial killer out there impaling peoples heads with mannequin legs... or maybe it's a new Kung Fu technique... I just don't know!

OK... I'm over it...

Moving on to more important stuff...

Like FOOTBALL!!!

I found an article on the NY Times site about the underhanded slap tossed out by Tiki Barber at his former NY Giants QB, Eli Manning. Barber said that Manning was "uncomfortable" with leadership. Apparently, Manning has some of his older brothers sense of humor as is reply was “I’m just happy for Tiki that he’s making a smooth transition to the media.”

OUCH! I guess when you play in the Big Apple you are used to the Media and the fact that there is no loyalty.

Well, time to finish this coffee and NOT read my paper... ... here's to happier times... with my frikkin paper...

Heitz