I am frikkin Oblivious

That's right... I may as well change my name to Oblivious Johnson... or some other ridiculous name... Two big headlines, and I am in my own little world, working like a bitch.

'Equipment failure' cuts power in Florida

No shit... apparently while I was printing off some dollar bills, power went out all across the entire state of Florida. Did it hit my office? Of course not... But when I got home, I got a voicemail from the power company...

"We are aware that your home was without power... please contact us if your power is still out..."

A. Like I would have gotten that message if my power was still out
B. If the power was still out I'm sure it'd be like Tampa just won an NBA championship and I'd be out "acquiring" a new fat screen TV.

Neeless to say, all is well... my juice is flowing.

Coffee break for Starbucks' 135,000 baristas
Coffee chain to close all 7,100 stores for employee training. Dunkin' Donuts offers 99 cent promotion.

Now, I probably drink more Starbucks than is healthy for me. But I had NO CLUE that my fix would be out of service this afternoon for 3 hours! Good thing I mostly hit the sauce in the AM, huh? I would probably feel bad for the poor chumps that work nights and need that cup of coffee just to make it through to 10pm, but whatever... not my problem.

Of course, the other little side item that is almost like finding a pimple on a hippo... Starbucks recently laid off 600 people? WTF??? Maybe they got rid of all the assholes that don't understand "Yes, I would like room for cream." Seriously, how hard is that?

Of course compared to the Great Sub-Prime Mortgage Tsunami I survived in 2007, 600 lay-offs is like they just wen to recess or something. I'm sure they'll all be back with tans.

Peace out...

Heitz

seriously, wtf?

Am I like the only one this happens to?

The building I work in is pretty much on lock down mode on the weekends. You need a key card to just get in the building and there is a special, top-secret code to access the elevators. Now, I am not REAL good at remembering number sequences so I kept the email with the code in my briefcase.

I saw the paper in my bag the other day, so i know it was there. This morning, nowhere to be found. So, I'm wondering a coupole things:

1. When did I remove it from the bag?
2. Why the fuck would I remove it from my bag?

I can only assume it's my sub-conscious fucking with me. I mean here I am, building a pretty decent amount of business, wanting to go in on a Saturday to take care of some administrative bs that just tends to slip away from me during the week. No harm in that right?

My sub-concious however cleary decided there was no flippin' way I was going to work today and made me remove that code from my bag. bastards...

So, my two choices are this... kick back and relax with some coffee and video games today; or I could call my division director who is probably relaxing with his wife and son, and ask him what the code is at like 8:30am on a Saturday morning.



OK, so I am not the fucking heartless.Instead, I decided it's time to write my first blog in two weeks. The pot of coffee is almost gone. Hmmm... what the hell else should I do today. It's way too early to crank up the amp and play some power chords... I'm sure my neighbors would LUV that... too early to go drinking...

what the hell do people do on Saturday mornings when they are not workaholics? I'm frikkin' lost over here...

Oh well, I guess I will make the most of it. I hear someone banging up and down the staris moving in... maybe I'll go see what they have I can borrow. :)

Peace out...
Heitz

I'm a tired assed bitch...

What can I say? I am a flippin' workaholic...

Good news is, I am already the #1 sales producer for 2008 in the Eastern Region... bad... ass...

Seriously though, one thing that bugs the shit out of me in Tampa... and this is just one of many... is the traffic.

No lie...

Many of you may say, "WTF? Traffic? yer from Chicago!!!"

The deal is this... no public transportation... no alternate routes in many areas... slow ass dumbshits driving.

My favorite Florida driving move? The triple lane change from the right hand turn lane to the left hand turn lane while on the car and following the incorrect directions from your Tom Tom.

I fukkin love that one.

So the road that goes to my apartment complex... it's a 45 MPH limit along there. Not too shabby... except EVERY frikkin day I get behind some numb-nuts SOB that decides I should drive 10 MPH below the speed limit... so yesterday I said, "Fuck this..." I took what I thought might turn out to be a short cut to avoid the dumb beeotch in front of me... turns out, I got stuck in a 15 MPH school zone, couldn't turn left due to a steady stream of idiots dropping their kids off, finally went around a few blocks to get back towards the main road only to find out there was construction starting and it was all backed up like an infant who ate too much cheese.

Needless to say, my search for better living arrangements has gone into full swing. I am being sexually discriminated against in my current apartment, paying over $200 more than some women here (I don't blame them for not having a penis...) so it's time to find a better situation where I can like walk to work or something.

the only good news I have to report is the job is going very well and I am learning guitar. Or as they say in some areas of the south... "geee-tar". Pretty soon I will be a regular Caucasian Jimi Hendrix... except playing a Les Paul. I guess that would make me Jimmy Page... well, except he is like frikkin God so I really cannot hope to get to that level, right?

So, yeah, those are hte two positives I have right now. Who needs women when I have a good job and a guitar, right? I guess before I know it I'll be riding the Horse to Rock-Star-Ville...

Booyah...

Peace out...
heitz

New Years Thoughts

Watched a movie last night I hadn't seen in a while... remember the original "Species" movie where Natasha Henstridge wandered around naked and had sex with every guy she could find only to be killed by Michael Madsen at the end? Well, "Species II" was just as good!

yeah right... she spent only a little time naked, there were other naked chicks running round having their bellies explode with baby aliens shooting out of them...

The craziest thing about the movie was this... It was SOOOO racist!!!

There were 3 astronauts in outer space that brought this alien thing back. A white guy, white chick, and a black dude. Now, astronauts are pretty smart I guess (the white trash arrested for planning to kill her love triangle rival notwithstanding...) but the black dude in this flick was just a typical homey. Couldn't grasp the simplest concepts about how an alien came back to earth with them and was killing peeps...

The final justice... it was the black man's blood that killed the alien!!! No shit! Turns out he carried the sickle cell trait and that is what killed the alien. At the end, Michael Madsen slams a pitchfork into the black dudes leg to cover it with his blood then sticks the pitchfork into the alien which kills it.

I'm not sure where they come up with this crap but I'm pretty sure that me, a case of beer, and a free week would result in a better film.

Maybe just about as much nudity too.

OK... some random thoughts...

Thank GOD (or Jahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Buddah, or who-the-hell-ever) finally got that little girl on the Texas Instruments DLP commercials some speech lessons. I was going tho kill myself if I had to hear her tell some idiot that their picture is clear because "It's the MEERS" one more frikkin time... THANK YOU for learning how to pronounce MIRROR... bitch...

I'm convinced that being a Chicago Bears fan is bad for my health. Not only did the head coach, Lovie "Smooth as Silk" Smith announce that he really wants all 3 QB's back in the mix next year, but he has no intention of firing either coordinator that was in charge of ineptitude on both sides of the ball. I can feel my blood pressure rising and I have no football to even worry about until April when the draft happens. This sucks...

And finally, I'm taking my first guitar lessons soon... found an ad for a guy and it says "Learn To Shred"... shit yeah... who cares about playing classical shit... I wanna break strings and eardrums... fukkin A!!!

Now I just need to grow my hair...

peace out...

Heitz

Happy Frikkin Holidays!

The weather outside is frightful...

NOT!!!

I brought some nice warm weather with me to Chicago so all the snow is melting. I am still hopeful that I can ambush my nephews, Max & Gunner, with a nice snowball fight. :-)

OK, so I have been WAY out of the loop on recent events folks... naturally, between that and working so damn much I have had too little to say. So, for the New Years, I am setting myself a couple goals...

1. Learn to play guitar
2. Write at LEAST once per week in my blog
3. Write at LEAST once per week in my book
4. Get my keester on 88.5 FM in Tampa (that's the public access radio station)

I've literally had a half dozen people over the past year tell me I should be on radio. So, I've decided it's time to start working towards that end. Even if it is just an hour a week or so, I think it is time to get it rolling. If I die not doing it, I'll be pretty frikkin pissed with myself.

Heading into downtown Chicago in a few hours to hang out, imbibe a few beverages, and hit Michigan Avenue for a little shopping. The highlight is going to be the show at Improv Olympic tonight... haven't been there in quite a while and I am curious to see the Harold up close and personal again... I LOVE "YES, AND..."

One thing I love about travelling is the people watching... back in the day before all the security checkpoints and stuff, my friends and I would take the train to Midway Airport, sit in one of the bars and hit on women travelling from elsewhere. Not too easy to do that any more since all the security stuff put into place... not a whole lot of airports have bars outside the security checks. Ft. Lauderdale is one that does, maybe I will move there someday to open up that hunting ground. :)

The only other new stuff in my world is bad news... specifically, The Bad News Bears... season is over. No playoffs the season after losing the Super Bowl... nothing like falling flat on your collective face, huh? If Ron Turner is NOT fired, it will be a travesty. Visit http://www.fireronturner.org to join me and Uncle Meatball in our campaign to get rid of Ron Turner, the architect of the woeful Bears offense.

The only bright point is that we can still sweep the Green Bay Packers... of course, the season after going to the Super Bowl, settling for last place and a sweep of the Packers is kinda like when you are on wingman duty and have to bed down with the ugly friend so your buddy can pickup the hottie.

The ugly friend usually is not NEARLY as much fun... :(

Peace out...

Heitz

'Sup Homeys!

First off, I must apologize for my absence... totally unacceptable... Suffice it to say, I will try to keep my flow going. It's been a crazy couple weeks with trips to Orlando (see previous posts...) and Ft. Lauderdale thrown in the mix, not to mention the pending Holiday schedule coming up.

Anyhoo... it's been a rough couple weeks on the sports fan front as well. My SIU Salukis are suddenly allergic to being on National Television. The hoops team lost two games on TV that they didn't bother even showing up, and the football team laid an egg against Deleware on Saturday.

Seriously, if you lose a team called the friggin' Blue Hens then you should all be flogged in public. WTF is a Blue Hen? Is that some kind of retirement village euphipism? I didn't realize Deleware was a big retirement state. I thought that is what Florida was for?

The worst part about the Saluki football game was it was EXACTLY like watching a Chicago Bears game. they SHOULD win, and at points play well enough to give you that hope, then the offense disappears only to be apparently rescued by a great kickoff return. In the end, they couldn't take care of the fundamentals and lose the game.

Yup... JUST like watching the Bears... oh, and in case you were wondering about my sour mood the past couple days it's because the Bears were officially eliminated from the playoffs when they lost Thursday night to the Washington Redskins. The only poistive from that game is that after the 'Skins knocked Grossman out for the season we returned the favor by knocking out Jason Campbell. On top of that, Grossman at least left the stadium under his own power. Campbell ooked like a heroin addict... he was wheeled out in a wheelchair, an IV in his arm and a glossed over look on his face... PRICELESS...

So, that's been the icing on the cake of a rough couple weeks. There is a realization I have come to in the past month or more since starting to work in downtown Tampa. Basically, the next 5-10 years will determine the future course of this city. Either the city leaders will step up and insist on some REAL planning that will make this area a popular place not only to visit but also to live, or a LOT of people will end up somewhere else. In the two days I spent in Ft. Lauderdale, I was amazed at how much more it actually FELT like a city. There was a hustle and bustle around that Tampa just flat out lacks. I love the Tampa area, but if it's still the sleepy little place 5 years from now I may find myself down in Miami or back up north. Who knows? Anything in possible at this point...

One last item... one of my nieces called me this morning and some of the info I got was that her younger sister (my other niece, of course) is in LOVE with her Gameboy. So, I started singing... "Gabby & Gameboy, sitting in the tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G!!!"... word to the wise... don't make an 11 year old laugh too much when they are on the phone with you... they don't understand the whole "inside voice" thing and they tend to drop things a lot.

That's all I got for you on this Sunday night... more to come... I promise!

Peace out...
Heitz

What just happened?

Yikes... so I write a blog last Saturday and then POW!!! Before I know it Thanksgiving has passed and it's the following Sunday already. I couldn't even tell you what I did over this past week other than earn a paycheck.

Hmmmm... Is this really the ultimate goal? Work so hard to make a good living (or in some folks cases a marginal wage...) but put forth so much energy that you couldn't tell someone what you had for dinner on Tuesday?

Well, I guess in the big scheme of things, what I had for dinner Tuesday is pretty inconsequential. Of course, considering we are all specks of dirt in the UBER scheme of things, it really hardly matters whether I make a living or not.

One of the things I miss about living in Chicago is the history... and not just the history of the area. I used to go to the Art Institute once a month or so... you want to talk about being insignificant??? How about looking at a bowl or urn made over 3,500 years ago... I imagine I'll probably live into my 70's or so (sounds about right)... imagine if I could create something that would last for 3,500 years!!! Now THAT would be an accomplishment. Like that Beowulf guy... no one knows who originally wrote that story but it only dates back to the 8th century or so. That's only a third of the timeline of some of the pieces I used to stare at and wonder about the hands that made them...

I've been thinking a LOT about history lately... mainly musical history and literature... I recently decided it's time to learn to play guitar and I listen to some of the masters of rock guitar like Jimmy Page, Jimi Hendrix, Eric Clapton... It reminds me of how I feel when I started playing golf at the age of 30. Seeing little Tiger Woods on that TV show all those years ago hitting balls at like the age of 6 or something... the exact same feeling as seeing Salvador Dali's first work when he was six years old.

And I come to the realization that while I had a good time being a kid, I really wasted a LOT of time. I mean, what did I get out of gorging myself on sugar coated cereal and watching cartoons on Saturday mornings?

So, I just got done browsing the news web sites for the first time in a week... nothing new... protesters getting hosed by water cannons, people in Pakistan are being arrested for supporting the old prime minister, a guy bought a town in Texas on eBay...

same shit different day...

Back to the insignificant stuff... the Chicago Bears get to be spanked by the Denver Broncos today. I left a brief smack talk voicemail for the only Bronco fan I know yesterday... went something along these lines...

"YO, Ben-wah!!! Frikking Bears RULE!!! Broncos are going DOWN to Chinatown!!!"

Again, I just don't seem to learn my lessons.

Peace out...

Heitz