Weekend Hijinks - Gabor Style!

Naked in the Lap of Luxury

An interesting little article I saw on cnn.com this morning about Zsa-Zsa Gabor's hubby... "apparently" he was held up at gun point and forced to strip down and was allegedly hand cuffed to the steering wheel of his Rolls Royce Phantom and robbed of everything he had on his, including his "EXPENSIVE" wrist watch.

Hmmmm... I'm not sure I am buying this... Let's look at the facts here... he's in a Rolls Royce... very luxurious I might point out... Have you ever sat inside a Rolls Royce? I have never had that opportunity presented to me but lets explore this...

The finely crafted leather interior... the smell of hardwood... the smooth rhythmic vibrations of the powerful engine... the deep bass from the amazing acoustic system... heated seats with lumbar massaging controls... mmmmmmmmmm...

Oh shit... Well now that is embarrassing... I closed my eyes just trying to visualize and feel what I was writing and now I gone and done it... I confess to the world that I am now sitting here naked. (Don't bother asking, I will NOT post a picture of this embarrassing moment...) I don't know how this happened... hell, I can't even find my damn clothes...

Give me a moment to compose myself, please...

Well, that's better... I think what this little experiment proves is that Frederic Von Anhalt (who by the way also claimed to be the father of Anna Nicole's baby!) is nothing more than a mere victim in this case. He was not robbed... no sir, he was just hijacked by the luxurious appointments of his fine automobile... the luxury of the moment overcame him, and when he snapped out of it... well, he was nekkid. Case closed...

Take Notes - Jury Duty Avoidance

Another news item this morning... Avoiding jury duty and what some cities and states are doing to catch up to people.

For the record, I have been sent a jury summons 3 times... twice while I was in college... yeah, like I was about to drive 5 hours to try and bail out of jury duty. The last time I actually went... I did everything I could to get out of it... ended up being the Jury Foreman on a total scam of a case. I'm pretty sure everyone got paid on that deal EXCEPT me... bastards...

Apparently the old tricks are not good any more... You can't be racist, sexist, homophobic, anti-establishment, or angry enough to get out of it these days. In fact, many areas are resorting to picking people at random off the street to sit on juries.

In North Carolina, sheriff deputies are actually sent out in some cases to pick up people at the post office or grocery store... heaven forbid I am able to pick up a gallon of milk without being escorted to court! (outstanding warrants NOT included in that comment...)

So, I wonder now, what can we do to avoid this "requirement of democracy"? Here's one that might work even these days... from alabamaimproper.com:

Don’t take a bath for a couple of days, then come into court in clothes that looked like you slept in them or mowed the grass in them. Consider buying a bottle of “doe scent” (female deer urine) and sprinkle it on your pants legs.
Then just act like you’re crazy, mutter and mumble under your breath, talk to your invisible friend, and say things like “they all aught to fry” or “hang the bastards…they’re all guilty else they wouldn’t be in jail…”
He lasted a couple of hours in the jury pool, then they politely told him that he was “excused.”

Now of course, using an excuse like this means you must be comfortable actually pulling this off. If so, you have much larger coconuts than I do!

Happy Saturday!

Heitz