Sticking it to the Man

Frikkin Sweet A$$ Oreo...

So, I was in the grocery store yesterday and came across a new product...

That's right... these are Oreo cookies that are specifically designed in "6 Fun Cookie Designs" for dunking in the beverage of your choice! OH SWEET JOY!!!

What a frikkin idea!!! Seriously, why can't I come up with these ideas before someone else? I mean, come on, Post It Notes? I was writing on toilet paper when I was a kid and slapping it to the fridge with saliva... talk about Olde Skool!

So, what is the big deal you might ask? Well, considering the earth shattering potential of these new "dunkable" (is that a word? if not, can I get credit for it?) cookies, I was also overwhelmed by the desire to NOT follow the directions... (let's see, insert picture here...)

As you can see, "The Man" has labeled the cookies for correct usage. "Hold Here" and "Dunk Here" clearly indicated at opposing ends of the cookies for proper dunking technique.

Now, I don't know about the rest of you guys, but I personally tried to hit a tennis ball with the handle end, just to show I was not going to conform... (hmmm, might have something to do with NOT being good at tennis... try it the other way next time...). So, you can imagine the pressure I was under to flip this bad boy over and go dirty style on it!

OH SWEET MISTRESS OF NON-CONFORMITY!!!

Let me just say, that was just no ordinary cookie at that point... it was a release from everyday tedium, from driving on the right side of the road, from tipping 15%, from wearing the right shoes on the right goddam feet!!! I felt ALIVE!!! The self congratulatory high five I gave myself afterwards was just so damn anticlimactic.

Of course, after about 15 minutes of free wheeling adventurous fun... the cookies were no more... I had a tummy ache and just wanted some Mylanta. I wonder if that was a sign that maybe all that non-conformity was BAD for me... shit, I hope not... I'm thinking about eating some hot dogs without the buns today!

KISS THIS...

Last night, legendary guitarist Paul Stanley, from the band KISS was taken off stage after his rate rate jumped to 190 beats per minute. personally, I am perplexed by this news... having grown up a "good boy", I avoided listening to bands such as KISS, AC/DC, and the Osmond Family... ( I KNOW something fishy is going on with that brother and sister pair...)

But looking at Mr. Stanley... or should I say, "His Dark Lord Royal Highness"... I have to wonder what this publicity stunt is all about. We all KNOW that the members of KISS are all demons taking earthly form to move amongst us. So, knowing he is a demon why would we all fall for a story about his "heart rate jumping to 190"??? Where's the squeeze here? What's the REAL story?

I think that this is a sign of bad times coming... look at this album cover from back in the day... Does anyone else see what I see?

War...

Pestilence...

Famine..

Death...

I think the end is near, is what I think! So, we all NEED to get our affairs in order... burn your KISS albums as that may weaken them some... counteract their '70's Rock & Roll with some '90's Hip-Hop and Gangsta Rap... What Would Snoop Do?

I tell ya what Snoop would do... he'd fire up some tunes, have his homey Baby Boo come over with some East Side Ho's and he would bring in the new era of peace on earth with a party that would make the Shizznitt look like a Romper Room revival!

I don't even know what all that means, but people we have to act fast... if we all fire up our barbecue grills today at the same time, we could sufficiently heat up the earth's atmosphere that these demons of hell might think they are already back in Hell... in which case, we could by ourselves a little time...

I've the Snoop and some dogs for my grill... someone else needs to bring the beer...

Let's roll...

Boy it's gettin hot, yes indeed it is

Snoop Dogg on the mic i'm about as crazy as BizMarkie,

spark the, chronic bud real quick

And let me get into some fly gangsta shit

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