A Tuesday morning blog from Heitz??? Something must be wrong!!!
Actually, things are feeling pretty all-right today... I've gotten some of the best sleep over the past few days than I have in the previous 18 months. I am once again sans employment!!!
No big whup I say... been there, done that, unfortunately could not afford the t-shirt.
I was told there were a lot of nasty blogs out there regarding the company I just left - they shall remain nameless for now. All I can say is I have zero regrets. I busted my hump for 9 months, got my best friend a job with an NFL franchise (hmmmm, could be something there for me, maybe???), and learned a few things about myself and the job market here in the Tampa area.
First, I LOVE technology and that is where my passion lies - between technology and teaching folks the right way to use it. I am heading back to IT so wish me luck, folks!
Second, I did not go back to IT last year after the disastrous campaign of closing mortgage companies because I lacked confidence in my technical abilities. I had been away from IT for a couple years so it's natural to feel rusty, I guess. Turns out, I am probably stronger technically than most of the available candidates in the area and I sure as hell provide better customer service!
Anyhoo, my minds made up...
Couple things I noticed over the past few days...
I never really thought about it, but I wonder how much pain a cockroach goes through when you nail it with a blast of RAID... I mean, they frikkin jump like they are being hit with 100,000 watts or something!!! I bet there is some info online about what that stuff is doing to their insides, but I guess I really don't need the details. I mean, other than a size 13 slamming own on them that's the only shit that kills them, right??? Survive a nuclear explosion, but a shot of RAID and their done for. Crazy...
The other thing I was thinking about was "what is really in the briefcase in the movie Pulp Fiction"??? So many theories on the Internet but frikkin' the only people that really know (Samuel L Jackson, John Travolta, Quentin Tarantino) AIN'T talkin'. someone once told me they thought it was the soul of Ving Rhames' character. Not sure that is true as Tim Roth says upon seeing it, "is that what I think it is?" - how the hell would he know what a soul looks like?
Anyways... time to get a few more resumes out before I hit the books. Working on brushing up the knowledge level so putting in my time.
Peace out
Heitz
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Like Riding a bike
Just curious...
We all know that the best way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head, right? OR... alternatively, one could bash the head in with some sort of blunt object.
So, why is it in all Zombie movies, it takes the locals a good hour of shooting zombies before they realize you need to put one between the eyes? Not that I mind that Milla Jovovich has to come save the day... I should be so lucky as to have zombies after me so that she could come save me! ;)
Kinda makes me wonder about peeps that can't see the forest for all the damn trees sometimes... or when they just lack some damn common sense...
Point in case...
Those damn Viagra commercials. Now don't get me wrong, I am all about being able to enjoy some time with whoever the lady for the weekend may be. But, the most recent commercial they have out is just mental. 8 dudes in a recording studio at like 1am singing about "Viva Viagra!". How do we know it was after 1 O'clock in the morning? Because the commercial told us so. Why is that important??? It only begs the question... if all these dudes are popping Viagra, then what the hell are they doing sitting around with a bunch of other dudes in the middle of the night for? Seriously, get yer priorities straight fellas! Hell, even getting yourself a Craigslist girlfriend for an hour is better than sitting there with all them guys!
200 Roses anyone?
Anyhoo... been a while since I wrote anything... guess I should get cracking on watching these zombies get their asses handed to them by my girl Milla.
Peace out
Heitz
We all know that the best way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head, right? OR... alternatively, one could bash the head in with some sort of blunt object.
So, why is it in all Zombie movies, it takes the locals a good hour of shooting zombies before they realize you need to put one between the eyes? Not that I mind that Milla Jovovich has to come save the day... I should be so lucky as to have zombies after me so that she could come save me! ;)
Kinda makes me wonder about peeps that can't see the forest for all the damn trees sometimes... or when they just lack some damn common sense...
Point in case...
Those damn Viagra commercials. Now don't get me wrong, I am all about being able to enjoy some time with whoever the lady for the weekend may be. But, the most recent commercial they have out is just mental. 8 dudes in a recording studio at like 1am singing about "Viva Viagra!". How do we know it was after 1 O'clock in the morning? Because the commercial told us so. Why is that important??? It only begs the question... if all these dudes are popping Viagra, then what the hell are they doing sitting around with a bunch of other dudes in the middle of the night for? Seriously, get yer priorities straight fellas! Hell, even getting yourself a Craigslist girlfriend for an hour is better than sitting there with all them guys!
200 Roses anyone?
Anyhoo... been a while since I wrote anything... guess I should get cracking on watching these zombies get their asses handed to them by my girl Milla.
Peace out
Heitz
Sunday, March 16, 2008
A real head scratcher
Alright, I got issues...
Now, I probably watch more kung-fu movies than is healthy for a 38 year old male, but going back to my childhood when my brothers and I would watch "samurai Sunday" and any other crazy shit that was on TV on the weekends (I consider the Little Rascals and the Three Stooges to be the American version of the kung-fu and samurai movies... without the drama... and without the sub-titles...). I think that's why I dig Asian women... I'd see these kung-fu chicks and think to myself, "How can I compete with that?!?! She's got guys with swords and shit and SHE could probably kick my ass too!!!"
So, I see this headline on CNN.com about the "genocide" going on in Tibet and the Dalai Lama talking about the heritage of his people and how it's about to all be wiped out. Here's an idea for you Dalai... (or is it Lama? no clue...) take your Monk army and invade China!!!
Seriously, all those monks flying from tree to tree with their swords and oaken staves; throwing stars and kung-fu magic!!! COME ON!!! Am I the only one waiting for this to happen??? I mean, if they can deflect bullets with a sword back in the 1500's, why not cast a wall of deflection at the cruise missiles the Chinese would surely send at them. It's a frikkin NO-BRAINER!!!
Anyways, the pictures I saw had all these monks on a street and NONE of them was fighting!!! WTF??? Sorry, but if the Secret Police showed up at my crib and tried to make me disappear, I am not going without a fight! I just figured these guys would do the same. Especially with all that high powered kung-fu mastery they have up in the Tibetan mountains.
Maybe the Dalai Lama will come back, lead his army into Beijing, and then they can have the Olympics there. How crazy would that be trying to compete against a bunch of kung-fu masters in things like the discus and javelin? Just when you thought you had a good toss, one of them leaps from a nearby tree, catching the javelin in his mouth and sends it right back at you...
seriously, that would be unfair...
Other than that, things are good. I am drinking loads of coffee these days. I probably work more than is healthy, but good times are coming.
Ever had this thought???
Who ever devised public restrooms???
Seriously... except for a half-inch thick partition, I am basically sitting cheek to cheek (get it?) with a potential stranger dropping the kids off at the pool. Don't even get started on the rules of eye contact, conversation ('This is where all the big dicks hang out!!!'), hand holding, hand washing, etc... When man first started relieving himself behind closed doors, who was it that said...
"We ain't civilized unless there's a second shitter right next to ya!!!"
I'd be curious to find out who might have ever had a conversation with the guy in the next stall. What would you talk about? "How are the kids?"... "What's the weekend plan?"
Now don't get me wrong, I understand the logistics of a few thousand people in a building having to all take care of bidness. But, seriously... I also want to talk to the first person that decided to cook an animal. How was that decision made? How'd they pick out a pig instead of say a sabre tooth tiger as their first meal?
I'm guessing there was a lot of trial and error when figuring out which animals fight back. Either way, I really want to thank them...
bacon tastes good...
pork chops taste good...
not so sure about the sewer rat, but it looks like easy prey...
Peace out...
Heitz
Now, I probably watch more kung-fu movies than is healthy for a 38 year old male, but going back to my childhood when my brothers and I would watch "samurai Sunday" and any other crazy shit that was on TV on the weekends (I consider the Little Rascals and the Three Stooges to be the American version of the kung-fu and samurai movies... without the drama... and without the sub-titles...). I think that's why I dig Asian women... I'd see these kung-fu chicks and think to myself, "How can I compete with that?!?! She's got guys with swords and shit and SHE could probably kick my ass too!!!"
So, I see this headline on CNN.com about the "genocide" going on in Tibet and the Dalai Lama talking about the heritage of his people and how it's about to all be wiped out. Here's an idea for you Dalai... (or is it Lama? no clue...) take your Monk army and invade China!!!
Seriously, all those monks flying from tree to tree with their swords and oaken staves; throwing stars and kung-fu magic!!! COME ON!!! Am I the only one waiting for this to happen??? I mean, if they can deflect bullets with a sword back in the 1500's, why not cast a wall of deflection at the cruise missiles the Chinese would surely send at them. It's a frikkin NO-BRAINER!!!
Anyways, the pictures I saw had all these monks on a street and NONE of them was fighting!!! WTF??? Sorry, but if the Secret Police showed up at my crib and tried to make me disappear, I am not going without a fight! I just figured these guys would do the same. Especially with all that high powered kung-fu mastery they have up in the Tibetan mountains.
Maybe the Dalai Lama will come back, lead his army into Beijing, and then they can have the Olympics there. How crazy would that be trying to compete against a bunch of kung-fu masters in things like the discus and javelin? Just when you thought you had a good toss, one of them leaps from a nearby tree, catching the javelin in his mouth and sends it right back at you...
seriously, that would be unfair...
Other than that, things are good. I am drinking loads of coffee these days. I probably work more than is healthy, but good times are coming.
Ever had this thought???
Who ever devised public restrooms???
Seriously... except for a half-inch thick partition, I am basically sitting cheek to cheek (get it?) with a potential stranger dropping the kids off at the pool. Don't even get started on the rules of eye contact, conversation ('This is where all the big dicks hang out!!!'), hand holding, hand washing, etc... When man first started relieving himself behind closed doors, who was it that said...
"We ain't civilized unless there's a second shitter right next to ya!!!"
I'd be curious to find out who might have ever had a conversation with the guy in the next stall. What would you talk about? "How are the kids?"... "What's the weekend plan?"
Now don't get me wrong, I understand the logistics of a few thousand people in a building having to all take care of bidness. But, seriously... I also want to talk to the first person that decided to cook an animal. How was that decision made? How'd they pick out a pig instead of say a sabre tooth tiger as their first meal?
I'm guessing there was a lot of trial and error when figuring out which animals fight back. Either way, I really want to thank them...
bacon tastes good...
pork chops taste good...
not so sure about the sewer rat, but it looks like easy prey...
Peace out...
Heitz
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
I am frikkin Oblivious
That's right... I may as well change my name to Oblivious Johnson... or some other ridiculous name... Two big headlines, and I am in my own little world, working like a bitch.
'Equipment failure' cuts power in Florida
No shit... apparently while I was printing off some dollar bills, power went out all across the entire state of Florida. Did it hit my office? Of course not... But when I got home, I got a voicemail from the power company...
"We are aware that your home was without power... please contact us if your power is still out..."
A. Like I would have gotten that message if my power was still out
B. If the power was still out I'm sure it'd be like Tampa just won an NBA championship and I'd be out "acquiring" a new fat screen TV.
Neeless to say, all is well... my juice is flowing.
Coffee break for Starbucks' 135,000 baristas
Coffee chain to close all 7,100 stores for employee training. Dunkin' Donuts offers 99 cent promotion.
Now, I probably drink more Starbucks than is healthy for me. But I had NO CLUE that my fix would be out of service this afternoon for 3 hours! Good thing I mostly hit the sauce in the AM, huh? I would probably feel bad for the poor chumps that work nights and need that cup of coffee just to make it through to 10pm, but whatever... not my problem.
Of course, the other little side item that is almost like finding a pimple on a hippo... Starbucks recently laid off 600 people? WTF??? Maybe they got rid of all the assholes that don't understand "Yes, I would like room for cream." Seriously, how hard is that?
Of course compared to the Great Sub-Prime Mortgage Tsunami I survived in 2007, 600 lay-offs is like they just wen to recess or something. I'm sure they'll all be back with tans.
Peace out...
Heitz
'Equipment failure' cuts power in Florida
No shit... apparently while I was printing off some dollar bills, power went out all across the entire state of Florida. Did it hit my office? Of course not... But when I got home, I got a voicemail from the power company...
"We are aware that your home was without power... please contact us if your power is still out..."
A. Like I would have gotten that message if my power was still out
B. If the power was still out I'm sure it'd be like Tampa just won an NBA championship and I'd be out "acquiring" a new fat screen TV.
Neeless to say, all is well... my juice is flowing.
Coffee break for Starbucks' 135,000 baristas
Coffee chain to close all 7,100 stores for employee training. Dunkin' Donuts offers 99 cent promotion.
Now, I probably drink more Starbucks than is healthy for me. But I had NO CLUE that my fix would be out of service this afternoon for 3 hours! Good thing I mostly hit the sauce in the AM, huh? I would probably feel bad for the poor chumps that work nights and need that cup of coffee just to make it through to 10pm, but whatever... not my problem.
Of course, the other little side item that is almost like finding a pimple on a hippo... Starbucks recently laid off 600 people? WTF??? Maybe they got rid of all the assholes that don't understand "Yes, I would like room for cream." Seriously, how hard is that?
Of course compared to the Great Sub-Prime Mortgage Tsunami I survived in 2007, 600 lay-offs is like they just wen to recess or something. I'm sure they'll all be back with tans.
Peace out...
Heitz
Saturday, February 2, 2008
seriously, wtf?
Am I like the only one this happens to?
The building I work in is pretty much on lock down mode on the weekends. You need a key card to just get in the building and there is a special, top-secret code to access the elevators. Now, I am not REAL good at remembering number sequences so I kept the email with the code in my briefcase.
I saw the paper in my bag the other day, so i know it was there. This morning, nowhere to be found. So, I'm wondering a coupole things:
1. When did I remove it from the bag?
2. Why the fuck would I remove it from my bag?
I can only assume it's my sub-conscious fucking with me. I mean here I am, building a pretty decent amount of business, wanting to go in on a Saturday to take care of some administrative bs that just tends to slip away from me during the week. No harm in that right?
My sub-concious however cleary decided there was no flippin' way I was going to work today and made me remove that code from my bag. bastards...
So, my two choices are this... kick back and relax with some coffee and video games today; or I could call my division director who is probably relaxing with his wife and son, and ask him what the code is at like 8:30am on a Saturday morning.
OK, so I am not the fucking heartless.Instead, I decided it's time to write my first blog in two weeks. The pot of coffee is almost gone. Hmmm... what the hell else should I do today. It's way too early to crank up the amp and play some power chords... I'm sure my neighbors would LUV that... too early to go drinking...
what the hell do people do on Saturday mornings when they are not workaholics? I'm frikkin' lost over here...
Oh well, I guess I will make the most of it. I hear someone banging up and down the staris moving in... maybe I'll go see what they have I can borrow. :)
Peace out...
Heitz
The building I work in is pretty much on lock down mode on the weekends. You need a key card to just get in the building and there is a special, top-secret code to access the elevators. Now, I am not REAL good at remembering number sequences so I kept the email with the code in my briefcase.
I saw the paper in my bag the other day, so i know it was there. This morning, nowhere to be found. So, I'm wondering a coupole things:
1. When did I remove it from the bag?
2. Why the fuck would I remove it from my bag?
I can only assume it's my sub-conscious fucking with me. I mean here I am, building a pretty decent amount of business, wanting to go in on a Saturday to take care of some administrative bs that just tends to slip away from me during the week. No harm in that right?
My sub-concious however cleary decided there was no flippin' way I was going to work today and made me remove that code from my bag. bastards...
So, my two choices are this... kick back and relax with some coffee and video games today; or I could call my division director who is probably relaxing with his wife and son, and ask him what the code is at like 8:30am on a Saturday morning.
OK, so I am not the fucking heartless.Instead, I decided it's time to write my first blog in two weeks. The pot of coffee is almost gone. Hmmm... what the hell else should I do today. It's way too early to crank up the amp and play some power chords... I'm sure my neighbors would LUV that... too early to go drinking...
what the hell do people do on Saturday mornings when they are not workaholics? I'm frikkin' lost over here...
Oh well, I guess I will make the most of it. I hear someone banging up and down the staris moving in... maybe I'll go see what they have I can borrow. :)
Peace out...
Heitz
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I'm a tired assed bitch...
What can I say? I am a flippin' workaholic...
Good news is, I am already the #1 sales producer for 2008 in the Eastern Region... bad... ass...
Seriously though, one thing that bugs the shit out of me in Tampa... and this is just one of many... is the traffic.
No lie...
Many of you may say, "WTF? Traffic? yer from Chicago!!!"
The deal is this... no public transportation... no alternate routes in many areas... slow ass dumbshits driving.
My favorite Florida driving move? The triple lane change from the right hand turn lane to the left hand turn lane while on the car and following the incorrect directions from your Tom Tom.
I fukkin love that one.
So the road that goes to my apartment complex... it's a 45 MPH limit along there. Not too shabby... except EVERY frikkin day I get behind some numb-nuts SOB that decides I should drive 10 MPH below the speed limit... so yesterday I said, "Fuck this..." I took what I thought might turn out to be a short cut to avoid the dumb beeotch in front of me... turns out, I got stuck in a 15 MPH school zone, couldn't turn left due to a steady stream of idiots dropping their kids off, finally went around a few blocks to get back towards the main road only to find out there was construction starting and it was all backed up like an infant who ate too much cheese.
Needless to say, my search for better living arrangements has gone into full swing. I am being sexually discriminated against in my current apartment, paying over $200 more than some women here (I don't blame them for not having a penis...) so it's time to find a better situation where I can like walk to work or something.
the only good news I have to report is the job is going very well and I am learning guitar. Or as they say in some areas of the south... "geee-tar". Pretty soon I will be a regular Caucasian Jimi Hendrix... except playing a Les Paul. I guess that would make me Jimmy Page... well, except he is like frikkin God so I really cannot hope to get to that level, right?
So, yeah, those are hte two positives I have right now. Who needs women when I have a good job and a guitar, right? I guess before I know it I'll be riding the Horse to Rock-Star-Ville...
Booyah...
Peace out...
heitz
Good news is, I am already the #1 sales producer for 2008 in the Eastern Region... bad... ass...
Seriously though, one thing that bugs the shit out of me in Tampa... and this is just one of many... is the traffic.
No lie...
Many of you may say, "WTF? Traffic? yer from Chicago!!!"
The deal is this... no public transportation... no alternate routes in many areas... slow ass dumbshits driving.
My favorite Florida driving move? The triple lane change from the right hand turn lane to the left hand turn lane while on the car and following the incorrect directions from your Tom Tom.
I fukkin love that one.
So the road that goes to my apartment complex... it's a 45 MPH limit along there. Not too shabby... except EVERY frikkin day I get behind some numb-nuts SOB that decides I should drive 10 MPH below the speed limit... so yesterday I said, "Fuck this..." I took what I thought might turn out to be a short cut to avoid the dumb beeotch in front of me... turns out, I got stuck in a 15 MPH school zone, couldn't turn left due to a steady stream of idiots dropping their kids off, finally went around a few blocks to get back towards the main road only to find out there was construction starting and it was all backed up like an infant who ate too much cheese.
Needless to say, my search for better living arrangements has gone into full swing. I am being sexually discriminated against in my current apartment, paying over $200 more than some women here (I don't blame them for not having a penis...) so it's time to find a better situation where I can like walk to work or something.
the only good news I have to report is the job is going very well and I am learning guitar. Or as they say in some areas of the south... "geee-tar". Pretty soon I will be a regular Caucasian Jimi Hendrix... except playing a Les Paul. I guess that would make me Jimmy Page... well, except he is like frikkin God so I really cannot hope to get to that level, right?
So, yeah, those are hte two positives I have right now. Who needs women when I have a good job and a guitar, right? I guess before I know it I'll be riding the Horse to Rock-Star-Ville...
Booyah...
Peace out...
heitz
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
New Years Thoughts
Watched a movie last night I hadn't seen in a while... remember the original "Species" movie where Natasha Henstridge wandered around naked and had sex with every guy she could find only to be killed by Michael Madsen at the end? Well, "Species II" was just as good!
yeah right... she spent only a little time naked, there were other naked chicks running round having their bellies explode with baby aliens shooting out of them...
The craziest thing about the movie was this... It was SOOOO racist!!!
There were 3 astronauts in outer space that brought this alien thing back. A white guy, white chick, and a black dude. Now, astronauts are pretty smart I guess (the white trash arrested for planning to kill her love triangle rival notwithstanding...) but the black dude in this flick was just a typical homey. Couldn't grasp the simplest concepts about how an alien came back to earth with them and was killing peeps...
The final justice... it was the black man's blood that killed the alien!!! No shit! Turns out he carried the sickle cell trait and that is what killed the alien. At the end, Michael Madsen slams a pitchfork into the black dudes leg to cover it with his blood then sticks the pitchfork into the alien which kills it.
I'm not sure where they come up with this crap but I'm pretty sure that me, a case of beer, and a free week would result in a better film.
Maybe just about as much nudity too.
OK... some random thoughts...
Thank GOD (or Jahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Buddah, or who-the-hell-ever) finally got that little girl on the Texas Instruments DLP commercials some speech lessons. I was going tho kill myself if I had to hear her tell some idiot that their picture is clear because "It's the MEERS" one more frikkin time... THANK YOU for learning how to pronounce MIRROR... bitch...
I'm convinced that being a Chicago Bears fan is bad for my health. Not only did the head coach, Lovie "Smooth as Silk" Smith announce that he really wants all 3 QB's back in the mix next year, but he has no intention of firing either coordinator that was in charge of ineptitude on both sides of the ball. I can feel my blood pressure rising and I have no football to even worry about until April when the draft happens. This sucks...
And finally, I'm taking my first guitar lessons soon... found an ad for a guy and it says "Learn To Shred"... shit yeah... who cares about playing classical shit... I wanna break strings and eardrums... fukkin A!!!
Now I just need to grow my hair...
peace out...
Heitz
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)