Blog for the Dumped

Alright... Day 1 of my new adventures in Unemployment concluded with a bang last night! Here's a run down of how a normal day in the life of the unemployed should go:

7:00am - huh? Is it Saturday? Why am I still in bed at 7am??? Guess I should get up.

7:15am - Am I the only one that reads while sitting on the toilet? I see a lot of folks with books & magazines in their bathrooms, but everyone always seems so appalled when I say my leg fell asleep because I wanted to get to the end of the chapter.

8:15am - pooped & showered... why shave? Nothing important happening so I go "rough" style.. Got coffee and Facebook to keep me company... YES!

8:30am - emailing some peeps, responding to a barrage of "WHAT?!?!? You got laid off again?!?!? What the hell happened???" Seriously folks... I've been here before. I am probably less upset or worried than anyone I talked to yesterday. Crazy!

10am - Sent off a couple resumes, including one to a former client... those always seem to go well since I am so lovable! I also find out a couple things - 1) My former employer wants some document notarized! Uhhh, I was underpaid so I am broke, and you want me to pay to notarize the release papers? Yeah Right! I am an expert in getting laid off and have NEVER had that request come up... We get that sorted out and I find out 2) I am only getting paid for 1 week this Friday (laid off in the middle of a pay period sucks) and the one week severance won't be paid until March 16th! Good thing I have two kidneys... looking for a buyer so I can pay my rent. I'm a little aggravated at that and have a little time to kill before I go meet Angela for lunch so time to transform myself into my violent, Russian, alter-ego... Niko Bellic... Grand Theft Auto time...

11am - OK, I suck at Grand Theft Auto... after getting killed on some damn mission to take out some mafia boss for like the seventh time, I figure it's time to go hit the gas station and head to lunch.

11:15am - Who chooses the hour before lunch to run a report from all their gas pumps so that no one can buy gas for like ten minutes? Chevron, folks... yep... Lady comes out yelling "IT WON'T WORK!!! I'M RUNNING A REPORT!!!" I'm like twenty feet away, I can hear ya just fine lady. So then she decides I am not going to use my Pimp-Hand on her so decides it's time to start being Chatty Cathy... she moved here from God Knows where (New York maybe???), was in health care for like 20 years, got tired of the health care "racket" in Florida, so now she is selling Powerball tickets at a gas station. Great career move! Wait, she actually HAS a job whereas I just got laid off for the fifth time in two years... I bite my tongue...

Noon - Meet Angela @ Panera... Damn that's a fine looking woman! We kick back, beautiful day to be sitting outside. She seemed stressed on the phone about me getting laid off, but I am not worried so the anxiety melts away and she is sticking her tongue out at me like usual. ;)

1:30pm - Leave Angela as she has some work to do and I have more jobs to hunt down. I get home and have another wave of Facebook messages... gotta respect the peeps so I hammer out some fun responses.

3:30pm - Calls from a couple friends with job leads. I LOVE knowing people! Some pretty good ones so we'll see how that pans out.

4:30pm - Don't feel like doing much else today, and don't feel like getting my Russian ass kicked again... so it's time for some FIFA on the Xbox.. I tell ya, this soccer game is EASY! I don't even break a sweat so i am not sure why the rest of the world loves this game so much.

6pm - Roommate is home, big re-organization happening in his office the the next day (today) so one of our buddies he works with is coming over to celebrate all the people that will be quitting. We hit the treadmill for a half hour and I am alerted to "put my drinking shoes on".

7:30pm - Brian and his wife finally show up - thought they got lost. Strange as they have been here a number of times. He likes to sit in the parking lot on the phone it seems while we are sitting here waiting to get our "DRINK" on. WTF? We take the long way around to go to our favorite hang out across the street - The Rack. Good food, hot waitresses.. and lots of alcohol.

9pm - By this time we have had a couple drinks and the waitress is showing an uncanny ability to show up right as we are talking about something ridiculous or in some cases downright embarrassing. Chad and I always compare the "white-trashiness" levels of our respective families - things like comparing how many family members are in prison serving life sentences, how many GED's in the family, how many siblings or cousins have multiple children from multiple daddies, etc... it's usually good fun! ;) then she shows up as we are talking about beating kids (not me personally, but like when my mom used to smack us around)... then shows up when we are talking about drinking and drug use (turns out she started drinking in 6th Grade!!! Bravo Darling!) So, naturally she is our favorite waitress ever because none of this is appalling to her and she even throws in a couple things of her own that win over the crowd. She's getting a good tip! Well, not from me... I am broke and unemployed! ;)

11:30pm-ish??? - We were drinking pretty fast there for a while... folks gotta go to work in the morning so we call it a night. Clearly I have no reason to get up, but we have Guitar Hero waiting for us (Brian's wife is addicted).

1am - After a number of failed drunken attempts at Van Halen's "Hot for Teacher" it's time to call it a night. Naturally I forget to brush my teeth...

5am today - my mouth tastes disgusting... I brush my teeth and go back to bed...