Game 1 - Need to do Better Boys!

OK, I got a lot to beef about with the way Game 1 of the Bears supposed Magical Season of Cutler started out...

My complaints are many, too bad no one is listening.

1. I thought we were a "running team when we step off the bus"? First half resulted in only 10 running plays and 24 (yup, more than twice as many!!!) passing plays. Of course, the announcers are all like "I don't know why they aren't running the ball!" That is a two word answer - RON TURNER... he thinks he can out-scheme folks and do it by becoming the NE Patriots. Then when he finally does allow our stud running back to get in the flow, he insists on doing it from formations that ensure poor results.

Couple points on this... we couldn't do SQUAT on the ground from a two TE set all night, yet we kept doing it. Our best runs came with a blocker in the backfield - both running and passing - yet Turner feels keeping someone in to pickup the blitz or clear a path is beneath him.

Turner reminds me of John Shoop a bit these days - he's got Cutler... a fancy new QB with some skills. He acts like it's his own personal Erector Set and let's see what kinda fun it is to fling the ball all over the place to rookie receivers.

2. Speaking of the receivers... Hester and Bennett were OK. Bennett had a busted route at one point and Hester was our only real weapon all game. But it was clear that GB was taking away Bennett at some points (4 defenders around on a rollout toss) and they completely took Greg Olsen out of the game.

Johnny Knox... great long ball, but where were ya on two blown routes that resulted in INT's? And why is Knox active instead of the guy that really seemed to click with Cutler in the offseason - Devon Aromashodu. Knox looked WAY out of his league and it cost us big time.

Of course, the mental mistakes were not just on rookies - Desmond Clark gave up on a route that became another pick. The only INT that I don't blame a receiver on was the crazy one handed stab by Johnny Jolly - all 320 pounds of him. Yeah, I'll hang that one on Cutler.

3. Offensive line - where were ya? I am ecstatic that we went out of our way to get Frank Omiyale... the fourth time I saw him laying on the ground when Cullen jenkins blew up a play I started to cry. Then I started to laugh... Only the Bears could have such high hopes only to implode so badly.

4. There were a few bright spots. The Defensive line played a stellar game registering 4 sacks and putting serious heat on Aaron Rogers all game long. Of course, one botched coverage at the end meant the difference between winning and losing.

Speaking of blown coverage - last I heard, Nathan Vasher should feel lucky to have a job. The way the media made it sound, had it not been for a hammy tweak to Zak Bowman and assorted maladies to Trumain McBride, Vasher may have not even made the roster. So, why is it that he is the guy in there covering a stud WR in Greg Jennings in such a crucial situation??? He looked so completely out-matched as Jennings strolled past him downfield for a 50 Yd TD toss that I don't doubt he will be working at Chuck-E Cheese by the end of the season.

Well, at least we have a few days to recover from this one... oh shit... Urlacher getting surgery, Tinoisamoa out indefinitely, and how many other injuries??? Pittsburgh next on the slate? Can you say "get ready for an 0-2 start to the Year of Feeling Good in Chi-town!"???

all I can say is... "poop"...

Peace out...

Heitz

Getting my ass kicked

Wow, I haven't sweated this much in probably 15 years...

I have been unemployed for 7 months... fortunately my girlfriend is an amazing woman and puts up with me. ;-) We recently decided to get our butts in gear and join her 9 year old son in Taekwondo classes. We thought it would be a great way to bond as a family, while also getting us in better shape.

Well, tonight was our first real test... one on one sparring with the whole class basically. I used to do plenty of fighting in the streets of Chicago, and even boxed a little back in the day... but nearing age 40, I wasn't sure how I would hold up against a load of 20-somethings.

Everyone in the group (except me and Angela) are Brown or Black belts... just an added bonus.

And to make things worse, I have three blasted discs in my lower back... very painful, but I suck it up and make it through each day.

So, we basically get our butts handed to us. Sweat pouring off us in buckets. I have blisters on both my big toes and had two near misses on the family jewels. All in all, a very good night though as I landed a few punches and kicks on some black belts (I know, they probably let me... but it felt good...).

I haven't thrown a punch in probably close to 15 years so using muscles that have been dormant for so long was exhausting. But I think we'll all have so much fun with it each week that it might just be our Friday night tradition... ;-)

Oh yeah... and tomorrow at 9am we have a Mixed Martial Arts class... apparently it's guranteed to destroy us as well...

yippee!!!

Heitz

Sheesh... Football Season!!!

Well, I am just a slacker and a half... I will have a blog coming (or maybe a series of them) about my trip to Nigeria. I promise...

For now, I am just excited about the upcoming football season! The Chicago Bears have like their first REAL quarterback in forever. Now, the big question is, was our probelm all along the play of our QB's? Anyone that knows me knows how I feel about Ron Turner (how is it he has a job and I am unemployed???).

I think the offense will be better than it has been recently - with the production of Matt Forte and the reunion of Jay Cutler and one of his college teammates, Earl Bennett, as well as the continued development of Devin Hester - I just think that for once our offense will not be an embarrasment. I am really worried about the defense though.

Tommie Harris is one knee bump away from being ineffective. Is Urlacher back in his 2006 form? Can our defensive secondary survive the Danieal Manning experiment at Safety or the injuries at cornerback? I honestly don't know what to say about all that...

What is clear to me is that the defense must play better than it has in the previous two years. They don't have to be as good as 2006, but at least the top half of the league. If that is the case and the offense ocmes anywhere close to what people think they can do, well, then we might have something to celebrate.

For now, I am just going to wash my PAYTON #34 jersey, and get ready for game 1 against the Packers.

God, I hate cheese...

Heitz

Beating Your Kids & A-Rod w/ Palin's Daughter

I'm not sure how everyone else was raised, but I got my fair share of but whuppings when I was young. My siblings and I were all good kids (for the most part) and yet we ALL still got our whuppings when we needed them. I was hit with everything from a shoe, to a long wooden mixing spoon (mom broke that one over my head), to a razor strap, to a sorority paddle (there was one in the attic of our house when we moved in - I was never able to actually get a Sorority girl to paddle me :( )...

So I came across this big story about a former Reform School Supervisor who is the center of a civil suit alleging he beat kids 50 years ago.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/06/16/florida.boys.school.lawsuit/index.html

Of course 50 years ago parents were allowed and able to be strict with their kids. Some of the whippings I received when I was young would probably land my poor mom in jail these days. And that was just in the 70's and 80's!

So, I read through the article and I really can't understand these folks wasting the State's and Court's time with stuff like this. The guy in question is 85 years old. The main plaintiff is like 60 years old, a Vietnam War vet, etc...

Even after going through the Vietnam era, and dealing with the recent collapse of Wall Street (he is an Investment & Insurance Broker) he is claiming that he still worries about the "beatings" he received at the hands of the Reform School Supervisor.

Gimme a break... seriously... I'd love to see his financials these days. Is he broke? Hoping to get a few million from the state? It's not a criminal investigation so it's ONLY about money.

And the bottom line is, we are talking about kids in a Reform School... a fancy name for a Juvenile Detention Facility. When I was a kid, I remember a couple neighborhood kids that landed in "Juvey" as we called it. They got spanked when bad just like the rest of us "good" kids... I guess they needed it more since their parents weren't dealing out any punishment when they were breaking the rules.

So kids in a Reform School got the occasional whipping? Again, I can't feel any sense of sympathy. Give it a rest, get over it... whatever you need to do... shit, grab a bottle of whiskey if you have to.

Then I noticed the story about Davide Letterman's joke about Sarah Palin's daughter getting knocked up by A-Rod. Seriously, I laughed my butt off until I realized all the idiots in the world think Letterman was talking about the 14 year old daughter!!!

Seriously folks... get a grip... let me see... Palin's 18 yr old gets knocked up during the Presidential campaign and it's HUGE news with their "Family First - Pro-Marriage" right wing BS and people seriously think the joke was targeted at the 14 year old jail bait daughter?

Just another attempt at the Right Wingers to try and stay relevant by creating some sort of media sensation.

Some day the world will have a sense of humor and not worry about headlines. We just ain't there yet...

Peace out

Heitz

Wedded Bliss

So, I was Best Man in a wedding last week (Congrats Chad & Emily!) and a couple things stood out in my mind over the course of the week.

First off, I have been honored to be Best Man for two great friends. I am not sure how this happens, but BOTH are Green Bay Packer fans! Seriously... I am a born and raised Bears fan and absolutely HATE (is that a strong enough word???) the Packers!

So I am officially announcing that I will stand in for ANY Groomsman in a Bears wedding. Please... I am begging you all... if you are getting hitched, and are a Bears fan, Please hook a

brother up... I can only eat so much cheese.

I guess the interesting thing about that is... well, absolutely nothing. Or I guess it shows that

friendship transcends football rivalries? (shit, am I soap boxing here?) Regardless, a great time was had by all and it leads to the second thing I noticed about weddings that I attend.

I am pretty much the life of the party.

There...

I said it...

OK, now let me just qualify that statement a bit.

I am the life of the part if you are a 4-Year old.

I have a habit of making faces whenever a 3-5 year old does so immediately I bond with most

small kids. They also usually think butts and pooping are funny, so we usually hit it off

immediately if not sooner (just check my Facebook Albums for Booties Around the World). This is probably the fifth or sixth wedding I have been involved in or attended where I danced more with a little kid than with my date... (Seriously, I AM SORRY ANGELA!!! BUT LOOKIT HOW CUTE HER LIL' NOSE IS!!!) - Yeah, I won't be living this one down any time soon... :(

I think the same personality trait that makes me appealing to a little kid feeling out of place wearing a tux or pretty dress is the same reason my nephews think I am awesome and why Angela's son Remi feels perfectly comfy-cozy chatting about farts with me.

Now, the only difference this time around is that I came out of the wedding week partying with some "Rapist Scratches". :(

You know what they are... you see a picture on the news after they arrest a rapist and they have scratches on their face where the victim attempt to fight them off - OK, maybe you only see them on 'Law & Order' wen they are questioning a suspect and he says he had an accident with an egg beater.

Turns out, this 4-Year old in particular thought I had funny cheeks and started grabbing them... and digging her nails in... OUCH!

I'm a tough guy so I just kind grinned and let her have her fun, not realizing she was drawing blood. I went to the bathroom later that night and looked in the mirror and about dropped my toothbrush in the toilet (thankfully it clanked off the toilet seat which I ALWAYS put down... whew).

So, apparently I now need to make sure the 4 year olds clip their nails before allowing them to grab my cheeks and see how far they stretch before my nose bleeds.

All in all, it was a fantastic trip. As always, the Chicago weather was equal parts sunny, rainy, windy, and cold. And as always, I bumped into a friend on Michigan Avenue.. yeah, cuz that never happens to me...

I couldn't ask for anything else...

Peace out...

Heitz

Mid-Week Ramblings

Well, it's been a helluva week already and we are only at Humping Day.

We've been moving for a week now... slow but steady wins the race, right? What an exhasting process moving from a second floor apartment to a third floor apartment! I am NOT trying to lose weight but you just can't help it with all the stair work I have done in the past week. But the worst part isn't the stairs, it's been the weather. Good ol' Mother Nature decided a little over a week ago that the drought in Florida is officially over and has been hitting us with big downpours pretty much every day.

Of course, exhaustion, soaking wet from the rain, and in and out from 88 degrees to arctic A/C means I caught something. I have had this stomach bug for a few days now and I think that has had as much to do with the weight loss as the exercise.

Then I saw a show last night that said something like "to produce 2.2 pouds of lamb creates 40 pounds of methane gas"!!!

They were talking about the effects of livestock and certain crop production to increasing greenhouse gases. It made me wonder how much methane I had produced over the past few days of having this stomach ailment. I mean, I have been a Farting Machine since pretty much last Thursday.

Now, Remi is a gassy lil' dude, but even he was running for his room the past few days. So I can only guess at the tonnage of methane gas I created. I wonder if I will be on some environmental watchdog's "Hot" list or something???

All I know for sure is I felt like ass... pun definitely intended.

In other news, we have a couple exciting trips in the works. We are heading to Chicago next week for Chad's wedding. I was looking at renting a car for the week only because we will be spending so much time in the suburbs. I haven't rented a car in a couple years and all I can say is - STICKER SHOCK!!!

Seriously, I am thinking of just buying a bicycle for the week I am up there. $300 for 5 days in Chicago??? Seriously??? I know better than to assume my insurance will cover a rental car if some dumbass hits me, so I always take the insurance... of course I have rented cars only a handful of times in my life so I'm no expert.

Bottom line is, they basically want almost my monthly car payment to drive some compact P.O.S. for less than a week. I'm not sure how to get into that racket, but godDAM!!!

The other trip in the works is a 3-Week trip to Nigeria in July & August. Angela's sister is getting hitched and we are flying over for the wedding. I am pretty excited for my first trip to Africa. I've already been told by one Right-Wing friend that I won't last 10 minutes, but I'm pretty sure I will surprise him. It's not like I am going to Somalia or something. ;-)

My biggest concern is my camera... I have a shitty little digital camera that sucks major butt when it comes to zoom, picture quality, etc... but being unemployed, it's not like I can just go buy a new camera, right? This is about the time I wish I was still in contact with my old "shady" friends from the South Side... I'd have a new Canon Rebel at a fraction of the cost in NO time...

damn...

peace out

Heitz

Tuesday Morning Stuff

Just some random things...

I un-friended someone on Facebook the other day for the first time. Or is it be-friended? De-friended? Hell, anyway you cut it, I took them off the list of people lucky enough to read my super interesting Status Updates.

It was really just a contact of a friend of mine that was trying to help me land a job, but the "contact" never replied, never got his hiring guy on the phone with me, and proceeded to fill my Inbox with Right-Wing (he claimed he was middle of the road but kept referring to Obama as 'The Socialist') propaganda.

Just an idea for all the right wingers out there...

Look up the definition of 'Socialism' and 'Fascism' before trying to apply inflammatory labels like those to someone. I may not be the brightest bulb on the tree but I do know the difference between a Democrat and a Fascist.

Oh yeah, and don't forget that the most infamous Fascists murdered their way into positions of power instead of being elected by the largest voter turnout in years and a pretty wide margin.

Years ago (OK, probably less than a decade ago, but it SEEMS like a long time) a friend of mine asked me a question.

I wasn't sure how to answer the question as I kinda had a crush on her... cute lil' thing... so I just probably said something silly and left it at that... but it has haunted me...

Anyhoo, so she had a guy roommate and asked me why is it that guys sometimes pee on the toilet bowl, floor, wall, or anything else that happens to be within a three foot range of the toilet. How the hell is it that we can't hit the target.

I am sure that most women have wondered this... Hell, I recall my mom asking the same question on many occasions.

So for all you ladies out there that really want to know... here is the truth... I may lose my membership in the "Dude Club" for this but I really don't give a damn...

The male 'pee-pee organ' is not an exact creature. Any woman that has woken up to her husband's (or boyfriend's, lover's, one-night-stand's) early morning wood knows this. And it can sometimes be tricky to pee in a straight line. Stories of guys writing their name in the snow probably only work for guys with short names like 'Al' or 'Ed'.

So, the myriad of causes can be anything from a stray hair in the way of the pee-pee to the remnants of a happy dream to maybe trying to pee before that early morning wood has subsided. Any guy that says they haven't had the same issue as Steve Carrell in '40 Year Old Virgin' is flat out lying to you.

Of course, any of those problems will cause a stray stream of pee-pee to hit the toilet seat, the wall, the roll of toilet paper, the magazine rack, or possibly the trash can... the much larger issue at hand is...

Why don't we clean up after ourselves when it happens???

I know this is the problem my mom would like solved... and the reason my friend oh so many years ago was so exasperated by it. If the dude roommate had just gotten a paper towel and some Windex, problem solved, right?

I am as guilty as every other man out there and some days I just get lazy-ed into NOT cleaning up after myself... for this, I apologize whole heartedly... I may not change, but I definitely apologize.

Peace Out
Heitz