Beating Your Kids & A-Rod w/ Palin's Daughter

I'm not sure how everyone else was raised, but I got my fair share of but whuppings when I was young. My siblings and I were all good kids (for the most part) and yet we ALL still got our whuppings when we needed them. I was hit with everything from a shoe, to a long wooden mixing spoon (mom broke that one over my head), to a razor strap, to a sorority paddle (there was one in the attic of our house when we moved in - I was never able to actually get a Sorority girl to paddle me :( )...

So I came across this big story about a former Reform School Supervisor who is the center of a civil suit alleging he beat kids 50 years ago.

http://www.cnn.com/2009/CRIME/06/16/florida.boys.school.lawsuit/index.html

Of course 50 years ago parents were allowed and able to be strict with their kids. Some of the whippings I received when I was young would probably land my poor mom in jail these days. And that was just in the 70's and 80's!

So, I read through the article and I really can't understand these folks wasting the State's and Court's time with stuff like this. The guy in question is 85 years old. The main plaintiff is like 60 years old, a Vietnam War vet, etc...

Even after going through the Vietnam era, and dealing with the recent collapse of Wall Street (he is an Investment & Insurance Broker) he is claiming that he still worries about the "beatings" he received at the hands of the Reform School Supervisor.

Gimme a break... seriously... I'd love to see his financials these days. Is he broke? Hoping to get a few million from the state? It's not a criminal investigation so it's ONLY about money.

And the bottom line is, we are talking about kids in a Reform School... a fancy name for a Juvenile Detention Facility. When I was a kid, I remember a couple neighborhood kids that landed in "Juvey" as we called it. They got spanked when bad just like the rest of us "good" kids... I guess they needed it more since their parents weren't dealing out any punishment when they were breaking the rules.

So kids in a Reform School got the occasional whipping? Again, I can't feel any sense of sympathy. Give it a rest, get over it... whatever you need to do... shit, grab a bottle of whiskey if you have to.

Then I noticed the story about Davide Letterman's joke about Sarah Palin's daughter getting knocked up by A-Rod. Seriously, I laughed my butt off until I realized all the idiots in the world think Letterman was talking about the 14 year old daughter!!!

Seriously folks... get a grip... let me see... Palin's 18 yr old gets knocked up during the Presidential campaign and it's HUGE news with their "Family First - Pro-Marriage" right wing BS and people seriously think the joke was targeted at the 14 year old jail bait daughter?

Just another attempt at the Right Wingers to try and stay relevant by creating some sort of media sensation.

Some day the world will have a sense of humor and not worry about headlines. We just ain't there yet...

Peace out

Heitz

Wedded Bliss

So, I was Best Man in a wedding last week (Congrats Chad & Emily!) and a couple things stood out in my mind over the course of the week.

First off, I have been honored to be Best Man for two great friends. I am not sure how this happens, but BOTH are Green Bay Packer fans! Seriously... I am a born and raised Bears fan and absolutely HATE (is that a strong enough word???) the Packers!

So I am officially announcing that I will stand in for ANY Groomsman in a Bears wedding. Please... I am begging you all... if you are getting hitched, and are a Bears fan, Please hook a

brother up... I can only eat so much cheese.

I guess the interesting thing about that is... well, absolutely nothing. Or I guess it shows that

friendship transcends football rivalries? (shit, am I soap boxing here?) Regardless, a great time was had by all and it leads to the second thing I noticed about weddings that I attend.

I am pretty much the life of the party.

There...

I said it...

OK, now let me just qualify that statement a bit.

I am the life of the part if you are a 4-Year old.

I have a habit of making faces whenever a 3-5 year old does so immediately I bond with most

small kids. They also usually think butts and pooping are funny, so we usually hit it off

immediately if not sooner (just check my Facebook Albums for Booties Around the World). This is probably the fifth or sixth wedding I have been involved in or attended where I danced more with a little kid than with my date... (Seriously, I AM SORRY ANGELA!!! BUT LOOKIT HOW CUTE HER LIL' NOSE IS!!!) - Yeah, I won't be living this one down any time soon... :(

I think the same personality trait that makes me appealing to a little kid feeling out of place wearing a tux or pretty dress is the same reason my nephews think I am awesome and why Angela's son Remi feels perfectly comfy-cozy chatting about farts with me.

Now, the only difference this time around is that I came out of the wedding week partying with some "Rapist Scratches". :(

You know what they are... you see a picture on the news after they arrest a rapist and they have scratches on their face where the victim attempt to fight them off - OK, maybe you only see them on 'Law & Order' wen they are questioning a suspect and he says he had an accident with an egg beater.

Turns out, this 4-Year old in particular thought I had funny cheeks and started grabbing them... and digging her nails in... OUCH!

I'm a tough guy so I just kind grinned and let her have her fun, not realizing she was drawing blood. I went to the bathroom later that night and looked in the mirror and about dropped my toothbrush in the toilet (thankfully it clanked off the toilet seat which I ALWAYS put down... whew).

So, apparently I now need to make sure the 4 year olds clip their nails before allowing them to grab my cheeks and see how far they stretch before my nose bleeds.

All in all, it was a fantastic trip. As always, the Chicago weather was equal parts sunny, rainy, windy, and cold. And as always, I bumped into a friend on Michigan Avenue.. yeah, cuz that never happens to me...

I couldn't ask for anything else...

Peace out...

Heitz

Mid-Week Ramblings

Well, it's been a helluva week already and we are only at Humping Day.

We've been moving for a week now... slow but steady wins the race, right? What an exhasting process moving from a second floor apartment to a third floor apartment! I am NOT trying to lose weight but you just can't help it with all the stair work I have done in the past week. But the worst part isn't the stairs, it's been the weather. Good ol' Mother Nature decided a little over a week ago that the drought in Florida is officially over and has been hitting us with big downpours pretty much every day.

Of course, exhaustion, soaking wet from the rain, and in and out from 88 degrees to arctic A/C means I caught something. I have had this stomach bug for a few days now and I think that has had as much to do with the weight loss as the exercise.

Then I saw a show last night that said something like "to produce 2.2 pouds of lamb creates 40 pounds of methane gas"!!!

They were talking about the effects of livestock and certain crop production to increasing greenhouse gases. It made me wonder how much methane I had produced over the past few days of having this stomach ailment. I mean, I have been a Farting Machine since pretty much last Thursday.

Now, Remi is a gassy lil' dude, but even he was running for his room the past few days. So I can only guess at the tonnage of methane gas I created. I wonder if I will be on some environmental watchdog's "Hot" list or something???

All I know for sure is I felt like ass... pun definitely intended.

In other news, we have a couple exciting trips in the works. We are heading to Chicago next week for Chad's wedding. I was looking at renting a car for the week only because we will be spending so much time in the suburbs. I haven't rented a car in a couple years and all I can say is - STICKER SHOCK!!!

Seriously, I am thinking of just buying a bicycle for the week I am up there. $300 for 5 days in Chicago??? Seriously??? I know better than to assume my insurance will cover a rental car if some dumbass hits me, so I always take the insurance... of course I have rented cars only a handful of times in my life so I'm no expert.

Bottom line is, they basically want almost my monthly car payment to drive some compact P.O.S. for less than a week. I'm not sure how to get into that racket, but godDAM!!!

The other trip in the works is a 3-Week trip to Nigeria in July & August. Angela's sister is getting hitched and we are flying over for the wedding. I am pretty excited for my first trip to Africa. I've already been told by one Right-Wing friend that I won't last 10 minutes, but I'm pretty sure I will surprise him. It's not like I am going to Somalia or something. ;-)

My biggest concern is my camera... I have a shitty little digital camera that sucks major butt when it comes to zoom, picture quality, etc... but being unemployed, it's not like I can just go buy a new camera, right? This is about the time I wish I was still in contact with my old "shady" friends from the South Side... I'd have a new Canon Rebel at a fraction of the cost in NO time...

damn...

peace out

Heitz

Tuesday Morning Stuff

Just some random things...

I un-friended someone on Facebook the other day for the first time. Or is it be-friended? De-friended? Hell, anyway you cut it, I took them off the list of people lucky enough to read my super interesting Status Updates.

It was really just a contact of a friend of mine that was trying to help me land a job, but the "contact" never replied, never got his hiring guy on the phone with me, and proceeded to fill my Inbox with Right-Wing (he claimed he was middle of the road but kept referring to Obama as 'The Socialist') propaganda.

Just an idea for all the right wingers out there...

Look up the definition of 'Socialism' and 'Fascism' before trying to apply inflammatory labels like those to someone. I may not be the brightest bulb on the tree but I do know the difference between a Democrat and a Fascist.

Oh yeah, and don't forget that the most infamous Fascists murdered their way into positions of power instead of being elected by the largest voter turnout in years and a pretty wide margin.

Years ago (OK, probably less than a decade ago, but it SEEMS like a long time) a friend of mine asked me a question.

I wasn't sure how to answer the question as I kinda had a crush on her... cute lil' thing... so I just probably said something silly and left it at that... but it has haunted me...

Anyhoo, so she had a guy roommate and asked me why is it that guys sometimes pee on the toilet bowl, floor, wall, or anything else that happens to be within a three foot range of the toilet. How the hell is it that we can't hit the target.

I am sure that most women have wondered this... Hell, I recall my mom asking the same question on many occasions.

So for all you ladies out there that really want to know... here is the truth... I may lose my membership in the "Dude Club" for this but I really don't give a damn...

The male 'pee-pee organ' is not an exact creature. Any woman that has woken up to her husband's (or boyfriend's, lover's, one-night-stand's) early morning wood knows this. And it can sometimes be tricky to pee in a straight line. Stories of guys writing their name in the snow probably only work for guys with short names like 'Al' or 'Ed'.

So, the myriad of causes can be anything from a stray hair in the way of the pee-pee to the remnants of a happy dream to maybe trying to pee before that early morning wood has subsided. Any guy that says they haven't had the same issue as Steve Carrell in '40 Year Old Virgin' is flat out lying to you.

Of course, any of those problems will cause a stray stream of pee-pee to hit the toilet seat, the wall, the roll of toilet paper, the magazine rack, or possibly the trash can... the much larger issue at hand is...

Why don't we clean up after ourselves when it happens???

I know this is the problem my mom would like solved... and the reason my friend oh so many years ago was so exasperated by it. If the dude roommate had just gotten a paper towel and some Windex, problem solved, right?

I am as guilty as every other man out there and some days I just get lazy-ed into NOT cleaning up after myself... for this, I apologize whole heartedly... I may not change, but I definitely apologize.

Peace Out
Heitz

Stuff on my mind

The Handshake Hear 'round the World
Seriously, I doubt any handshake in history has gone through as much scrutiny and criticism as the handshake between President Obama and Venezuelan leader Hugo Chavez the other day at the Summit of the Americas.

Personally, after watching a few days of Obama handling things in Mexico and at the Summit, I can say I love the humility and attitude he takes to the table with our neighbors in this hemisphere. Shaking hands with Chavez and showing polite courtesy only follows his already defined personality in dealing with other world leaders.

Now, don't get me wrong... Chavez is a dipshit and proves it every chance he gets. I don't buy gasoline or anything from Citgo stations (even though they are routinely $.04 or so cheaper than anyone else!!!) just because of the Chavez link.

But... that is ME... and I am not the President of the United States. Obama is showing that he is above the petty squabbles of the past (perceived or real) and is willing to open the doors of diplomacy to even our most fervent critics. Does the fact that someone disagrees with us vehemently make us right or them wrong? Worst case scenario in my mind is that we don't reach any sort of accord and the relationship stays chilly.

But at least extending the hand of cooperation and showing the willingness to sit down and talk about our issues is a HUGE step that our past administrations would never have done and to me is a huge step forward.

UN Conference on Racism
Is it any surprise that the Iranian President (or whatever he is called) Kharzai started mouthing off about Israel on the first day of this conference? I for one was not surprised. Why is everyone else all up in arms about it? Kharzai speaking at a global conference? What the hell else is he going to talk about?

The bottom line is two wrongs don't make a right. You can't say that Palestinians are racist and kill indiscriminately and then think the Israeli's are just defending themselves. They are just terrorizing in a different way... One uses a lone bomber on a bus, the other uses a $25 million dollar rocket that "misses" it's target. Or maybe the target was surrounded by 30 women and children each time...

Explain to me the difference... I promise I will listen.

But since the US does not have a delegation there, I am not sure what we can hope is accomplished by the rest of the world at this conference. The UK has a group there monitoring the activities, but they were one of the groups that walked out when Kharzai went on his babble-fest. Why not just listen, then respond... if you don't like the way a two-way conversation is going you can always shut up and THEN walk out.

Job Search Woes
Well, the job search process really sucks... with double digit unemployment in the Tampa area, there are way too many candidates for each job that is posted... and the job postings have slowed down considerably. I am lucky if I find one job per day to send a resume to. You see the same positions listed, day after day, and no one is calling. You can only assume you are resume #4,372 in the stack and they will only look at the first 100.

Answer me this... you have a job to fill... you have two candidates... one has more experience than the other...

All things being equal (they will both work for the same salary, benefits, etc...) who would you hire?

If you said you would take the guy with less experience... kick yourself and explain why.

I feel that once you hit that decade of experience mark, regardless of how much you "dumb down" the resume, people assume that you want too much money, or will keep looking, or whatever...

How about this for an idea... pick up the phone, and call them both. THEN make your decision... what is the harm of a 5 minute phone conversation?

Too often though, American companies can't see past the next 12 months and will take the "immediate fix" with no thought towards where this person can help them go beyond 12 months. Can they handle it if your company suddenly grew by 100%? Can they handle it if your Sr. Level guy decided to pursue a different position and left?

Point is, take the experience and never look back.

All I'm gonna say 'bout that...

NFL Draft
YAY! NFL Draft this weekend! The Bears don't pick until the second round so I will only kinda be watching on Day One. I will probably have it rolling on the screen on Sunday though, that's for sure.

The sad thing is, due to the job situation and a lack of a first round pick for my Bears, this year will end a string of I think 7 Years watching the draft with my buddy Dave at Hooter's in Tampa. well, that and the fact that the draft starts later this year.

Used to be, we'd get to Hooters at 11am, start throwing them back, and by the time Day 1 was over we'd be at least four and a half sheets to the wind and have to find a way to get home.

Now, not so much... I'll probably hit the pool until around the time I think the Bears will pick, run in and check it out and then back for some more sun & fun. ;)

Here's to the memories!

Peace out...
Heitz

US Boycotting Racism Conference

Happy Sunday morning to everyone!

Sometimes you just have to scratch your head, I guess...

http://www.cnn.com/2009/POLITICS/04/18/U.S.racism.conference/index.html

The Obama administration has decided to boycott the UN Racism Conference that will be held in Geneva next week due to the wording in some of the documents that paints Israel in a negative light apparently and some other wording relating to "incitement".

Considering the fact that we just elected our first African-American President, and the strides we have made in the past 150 years to combat racism and its evils here in the US, I think this is a huge mistake to not have a delegation in attendance.

Are we too supportive of Israel and their quest to secure their homeland? I think if you look at the history of the conflict between the Israeli's and the Palestinian's (and other groups in that region; Egypt, Syria, etc...) you will see that Israel is the aggressor as often as they are the victim. Does it make sense to back them so vehemently to the point where we will boycott an international forum dealing with racism?

I think not...

As for the section on "incitement", I haven't read the information but it is being reported that it contradicts the US' stance on Free Speech. Obviously it's an issue if a journalist makes claims against a local government and is slammed in a jail for it... but again, is the best course of action NOT showing up for the conference?

Or rather, does it make more sense to send a group there to voice our concerns and work towards resolving them with the rest of the world? The Congressional Black Caucus seems to think so and I think I am in agreement with them.

Put it this way, if we don't show up do we have any right to complain about anything that comes out of the conference? I think it's a little egotistic to think that our opinion counts if we won't actively participate.

At any rate, I'd love to see us come to our senses and get a delegation there. Since that probably won't happen, I can't wait to see the end result of this conference and our response to what comes out of it.

Waiting with baited breath...

Peace out...
Heitz

Seriously

HAPPY TAX DAY!!!

Yes, mine are done and heading to the Post Office in a little while. Nothing like dropping off two years worth of taxes all in one fell swoop. ;)

And of course with Tax Day comes the annual "Tea Parties". WTF is this? I see it all over Facebook today and I swear I never heard of folks having a Tea Party on tax day. Maybe I wasn't paying attention...

Well, I am going to have my very own "Coffee Party" today instead. I am shooting for two pots. I think with two pots of caffeinated goodness flowing through my bloodstream I should be able to get another two chapters written in my book, don't ya think?

Some other things I realized today...

1. Pirates off the coast of Somalia... I still don't see why people think we need to go into Somalia with troops... AGAIN!!! Has anyone seen "Blackhawk Down"??? Seriously, do we need to re-live that? A good friend from Grammar and High School was in Somalia the first time around and he had nightmares seeing that movie because all the bumbling decisions were so accurate. I say we just start torpedoing these damn little boats the pirates are using. Seriously, one quick burst of .50 Cal rounds into one of them little row boats and by the time they swim back to the coast they will be thinking of another line of work. Problem solved... yer welcome...

2. Baseball season... April is kinda surreal I think. Having spent the bulk of my life in Chicago where April "Snow-Outs" routinely occur it's not hard to see why the NFL Draft holds my attention more firmly in its grasp than does the start of baseball season. Add to that the fact that the Cubs haven't won a World Series since 1908 and it's a no-brainer that I won't give a hoot about the beginning of baseball season. (My guess is the Billy Goat Curse will extend to 2045 since that is the year we kicked Sam and his goat out of Wrigley Field).

3. I booked my first trip to Chicago in a year today... I really miss civilization and am getting tired of complaining about the backwardness of Florida. I think I might be on a 5-Year plan to move on to something bigger and better. Oh damn, did I just say "5-Year" plan? Seriously, Angela will NOT be waiting tables at Hooter's... of that we can be sure. Between the eroded economy and housing market, the piss-poor job market, and the lack of infrastructure for growth around here it's no wonder that people are leaving the area. 5 years from now I see myself in either Chicago, London, or maybe some other cool place like Paris or something...

4. As for the Job Market... well, the good news is I have been putting a couple hours per day into my writing. I have had a couple decent interviews, and a good interview at Guitar Center. Seriously, I would have a blast selling guitars and writing. That is the one job I really have my fingers crossed on. Probably the most stable as well as long as I can make some sales! ;) The IT job market is abysmal right now here in the Tampa area, and it's made even worse by the fact that I am not your typical geek... 3+ years in Sales on top of 10+ years in IT and recruiters just have no idea what to do with an IT guy with a brain and a personality. Well, I guess if the end result is me finishing my novel, publishing it, and moving on to book #2 then it will all be a huge success.

5. Jamming is cool but I am also trying to learn how to work on my guitars myself... seriously, $30 to do a setup on a guitar? How hard can it be, right??? Well, after changing the strings on my Les Paul and Remi's LP Special I can say that I think $30 for a setup is pretty damn cheap! I cracked the nut on Remi's guitar, bought a replacement that turned out to be too short, had to raise the bridge just to get the strings to a playable height, and then of course realizing that you could drive my SUV under the strings... sheesh... it ain't as easy as it seems, folks! I figure the best way to learn is to try and see what happens. :) Needless to say, I have some more practicing ahead of me before I start charging folks for my services.

OK, time to wrap up... I think I may start hiring myself out as a motivational speaker. I saw something Angela was watching where they had a guy who was supposed to be a "Positivity Coach" or something. Seriously? This guy gets paid to get people thinking positive thoughts? How the hell do I get in on this racket???

Wish me luck!

Peace out...
Heitz