Put it to rest

OK, so the rednecks (or are they Hillbillies???) in Georgia finally were caught in their lie. The Bigfoot in the freezer was actually a rubber gorilla suit. Go figure...

So, I did a little research of my own and have come up with proof not only of the existence of Bigfoot (and thus also the Yeti) but also the Lochness Monster!!! (Of course, don't forget about Champ up in Vermont)...

Now, these images may disturb many of you... I don't relish the fact that I am the one bringing this evidence to light. But hey, when in Rome, right? (I realize that makes no sense whatsoever, that's why I said it... ok, so I typed it... maybe I am sitting here dictating to myself... could happen...)

And how is it that a chump like me finds proof of both in one day??? Well, apparently I am as extraordinary as mom always though. ;) A little elbow grease, a little hooliganism, and a lot of digging where the sun don't shine... errrr... ok, that didn't sound quite right, did it?

ok... here goes...

Now, my first question was, "since when did plesiosaurs become 'fire breathing'???" And how the hell did Bigfoot domesticate a plesiosaur??? I mean, that's just downright preposterous!

I go back to a previous statement I made... show me God... there ya have it. If a plesiosaur can be domesticated and breather fire, that's at least as plausible as an omniscient super deity, isn't it?

OK, maybe not... BUT, tell me then how to explain away a Bigfoot apparently commuting to the office on the back of the Loch Ness Monster!!!

You can't explain it, can you!?!?!? I didn't think so!!!

Well, I am just about through with my soap box. A picture is worth a thousand words right... I'd like to see what the so called experts think of MY evidence...

ok, maybe not....

peace out...

Heitz

Phelps & Bears Quarterback

OK, so I just saw an interview with Michael Phelps (8 Gold medals in this years Olympics) being queried by Jeremy Schaap. I'm just curious... could we find someone without a speech impediment to run that interview?

Alright, just kidding... I'm just jealous that I'll never win an Olympic medal (let alon 16 already for this guy!!!) and I'll never be on ESPN... sour grapes... :)

But what I am really concerned with this morning is the Chicago Bears have named their starting Quarterback for the upcoming season! And unfortunately, Michael Phelps was unavailable. I'm sure he would have been a very viable option, but no dice.

So Kyle Orton, the guy who looks like an Amish cast-off is the guy who gets the nod. It's a sad state of affairs when our choices are Orton, Grossman, and a guy who's name is eerily similar to Heinie. Of course, the offensive coordinatr is off the hook now. He can go back to calling running plays and maybe we'll get somewhere this season. My guess is, we'll be drafting yet another quarterback in 2009.

So, Hurricane Fay turned into a whimpering Tropical Storm when it made landfall last night. Of course, I gotta hold off on calling her a total pansy as she is forecasted to hang around for the next few days before making a u-turn and coming back over the state. No kidding, the weather reports are predicting the storm will go across the state, then make a u-trun and come back across the state!

Still, it's not like the Chicago winters. I'll take a storm like this every couple years over the sub-zero temperatures and blizzards that ALWAYS hit Chicago in the winter.

Alright, time to send out some resumes. The whole city is shut down for the storm. YAY!

Heitz

Bigfoot

OK, so I guess it is time I chimed in on the whole Bigfoot thing going on up in Georgia... First off, let me say that I am a big fan. Having large feet myself (NOT covered in hair, thank you) I know what that poor creature must feel like. Well, alright, I am NOT stuffed in a cooler in Atlanta right now so I guess i don't REALLY know what he (she?) feels like.

But seriously... between Bigfoot, Nessie, Area 51... all that good stuff... I think the world is a better place for having them than not. OK, so we can't actually prove they exist (someone please point out God to me... didn't think so) but since when was that a prerequisite to believing in something? How many of us still keep the light on in the closet to keep the Boogeyman away? (putting my hand down now...)

As for these good ol' boys in Georgia... well, there is some skepticism because one of them apparently was involved in some Bigfoot shenanigans a few years ago. Kinda goes with that old boy who cries wolf story, right? So, no clue where this one will end up but a big hairy dude in a meat freezer is a step in the right direction, ain't it?

Of course, trying to prove something does not exist is almost as pointless as proving it does. I usually tell skeptics to just keep their mouths shut. I'm sure if there is some master plan, we'll all find out when we are good and ready!

In other news... two weeks and counting on the unemployment front. Got a job at a good company that was emailed to me this morning... of course the money is so low I'd get my truck repossessed and get evicted from my apartment. BUT, it pays more than unemployment compensation so maybe it's worth a shot, right? Seriously, I haven't made that little since 1994!!! Ugh... what to do???

Alright, back to work... gotta get some stuff done today before Hurricane Fay shows up tomorrow. Ha... Hurricane Fay... what a lame ass name.

Peace out
Heitz

Blog 4 da unemployed

2 weeks and counting, folks!

By my estimation, over the past 2 weeks I have:

*sent out 50 resumes (and have had resumes forward to probably close to 150 companies through peers and networking)
*have drank 15 pots of coffee... mmmmm, Folgers crystals...
*spent about 10 hours at Starbuck's brushing up my technical knowledge (add to that probably about another 15 hours here at home)
*have realized that Madden '09 is da bomb... still can't run the ball for shyt but it rocks
*killed at least 50 cops and gang bangers in GTA IV
*busted out about 5 hours worth of power chords on my Les Paul & SG
*killed my Blackberry
*actually read some Playboy articles
*volunteered at an event for Tampa Bay Technology Forum (YAY, me!)
*and except for when I have gone on a few interviews, have worn shorts and flip-flops 24/7

Other than the lack of an income right now, I would say unemployment friggin' rocks! (fist raised in salute to the rest of us unemployed)

The good news is, I got friends in low places... errr... I mean I got contacts. Will be employed sooner rather than later and then I can actually afford to take out all these ladies I am meeting on eHarmony!!!

What's that you say??? eHarmony? Yeah, time to find a woman that won't drain the ol' bank account and leave me high & dry. I feel like a bad Jerry Springer show... or good Jerry Springer show, depending on your education level and number of remaining teeth. ;)

Also, been reading A LOT! Love to read... shoulda been a librarian... filling that big brain of mine with stuff.

that's about all I got for right now... more to come...

Heitz

What's this?

A Tuesday morning blog from Heitz??? Something must be wrong!!!

Actually, things are feeling pretty all-right today... I've gotten some of the best sleep over the past few days than I have in the previous 18 months. I am once again sans employment!!!

No big whup I say... been there, done that, unfortunately could not afford the t-shirt.

I was told there were a lot of nasty blogs out there regarding the company I just left - they shall remain nameless for now. All I can say is I have zero regrets. I busted my hump for 9 months, got my best friend a job with an NFL franchise (hmmmm, could be something there for me, maybe???), and learned a few things about myself and the job market here in the Tampa area.

First, I LOVE technology and that is where my passion lies - between technology and teaching folks the right way to use it. I am heading back to IT so wish me luck, folks!

Second, I did not go back to IT last year after the disastrous campaign of closing mortgage companies because I lacked confidence in my technical abilities. I had been away from IT for a couple years so it's natural to feel rusty, I guess. Turns out, I am probably stronger technically than most of the available candidates in the area and I sure as hell provide better customer service!

Anyhoo, my minds made up...

Couple things I noticed over the past few days...

I never really thought about it, but I wonder how much pain a cockroach goes through when you nail it with a blast of RAID... I mean, they frikkin jump like they are being hit with 100,000 watts or something!!! I bet there is some info online about what that stuff is doing to their insides, but I guess I really don't need the details. I mean, other than a size 13 slamming own on them that's the only shit that kills them, right??? Survive a nuclear explosion, but a shot of RAID and their done for. Crazy...

The other thing I was thinking about was "what is really in the briefcase in the movie Pulp Fiction"??? So many theories on the Internet but frikkin' the only people that really know (Samuel L Jackson, John Travolta, Quentin Tarantino) AIN'T talkin'. someone once told me they thought it was the soul of Ving Rhames' character. Not sure that is true as Tim Roth says upon seeing it, "is that what I think it is?" - how the hell would he know what a soul looks like?

Anyways... time to get a few more resumes out before I hit the books. Working on brushing up the knowledge level so putting in my time.

Peace out
Heitz

Like Riding a bike

Just curious...

We all know that the best way to kill a zombie is to shoot it in the head, right? OR... alternatively, one could bash the head in with some sort of blunt object.

So, why is it in all Zombie movies, it takes the locals a good hour of shooting zombies before they realize you need to put one between the eyes? Not that I mind that Milla Jovovich has to come save the day... I should be so lucky as to have zombies after me so that she could come save me! ;)

Kinda makes me wonder about peeps that can't see the forest for all the damn trees sometimes... or when they just lack some damn common sense...

Point in case...

Those damn Viagra commercials. Now don't get me wrong, I am all about being able to enjoy some time with whoever the lady for the weekend may be. But, the most recent commercial they have out is just mental. 8 dudes in a recording studio at like 1am singing about "Viva Viagra!". How do we know it was after 1 O'clock in the morning? Because the commercial told us so. Why is that important??? It only begs the question... if all these dudes are popping Viagra, then what the hell are they doing sitting around with a bunch of other dudes in the middle of the night for? Seriously, get yer priorities straight fellas! Hell, even getting yourself a Craigslist girlfriend for an hour is better than sitting there with all them guys!

200 Roses anyone?

Anyhoo... been a while since I wrote anything... guess I should get cracking on watching these zombies get their asses handed to them by my girl Milla.

Peace out
Heitz

A real head scratcher

Alright, I got issues...

Now, I probably watch more kung-fu movies than is healthy for a 38 year old male, but going back to my childhood when my brothers and I would watch "samurai Sunday" and any other crazy shit that was on TV on the weekends (I consider the Little Rascals and the Three Stooges to be the American version of the kung-fu and samurai movies... without the drama... and without the sub-titles...). I think that's why I dig Asian women... I'd see these kung-fu chicks and think to myself, "How can I compete with that?!?! She's got guys with swords and shit and SHE could probably kick my ass too!!!"

So, I see this headline on CNN.com about the "genocide" going on in Tibet and the Dalai Lama talking about the heritage of his people and how it's about to all be wiped out. Here's an idea for you Dalai... (or is it Lama? no clue...) take your Monk army and invade China!!!

Seriously, all those monks flying from tree to tree with their swords and oaken staves; throwing stars and kung-fu magic!!! COME ON!!! Am I the only one waiting for this to happen??? I mean, if they can deflect bullets with a sword back in the 1500's, why not cast a wall of deflection at the cruise missiles the Chinese would surely send at them. It's a frikkin NO-BRAINER!!!

Anyways, the pictures I saw had all these monks on a street and NONE of them was fighting!!! WTF??? Sorry, but if the Secret Police showed up at my crib and tried to make me disappear, I am not going without a fight! I just figured these guys would do the same. Especially with all that high powered kung-fu mastery they have up in the Tibetan mountains.

Maybe the Dalai Lama will come back, lead his army into Beijing, and then they can have the Olympics there. How crazy would that be trying to compete against a bunch of kung-fu masters in things like the discus and javelin? Just when you thought you had a good toss, one of them leaps from a nearby tree, catching the javelin in his mouth and sends it right back at you...

seriously, that would be unfair...

Other than that, things are good. I am drinking loads of coffee these days. I probably work more than is healthy, but good times are coming.

Ever had this thought???

Who ever devised public restrooms???

Seriously... except for a half-inch thick partition, I am basically sitting cheek to cheek (get it?) with a potential stranger dropping the kids off at the pool. Don't even get started on the rules of eye contact, conversation ('This is where all the big dicks hang out!!!'), hand holding, hand washing, etc... When man first started relieving himself behind closed doors, who was it that said...

"We ain't civilized unless there's a second shitter right next to ya!!!"

I'd be curious to find out who might have ever had a conversation with the guy in the next stall. What would you talk about? "How are the kids?"... "What's the weekend plan?"

Now don't get me wrong, I understand the logistics of a few thousand people in a building having to all take care of bidness. But, seriously... I also want to talk to the first person that decided to cook an animal. How was that decision made? How'd they pick out a pig instead of say a sabre tooth tiger as their first meal?

I'm guessing there was a lot of trial and error when figuring out which animals fight back. Either way, I really want to thank them...

bacon tastes good...
pork chops taste good...

not so sure about the sewer rat, but it looks like easy prey...

Peace out...
Heitz